Finny: Back to School

“Good morning, Finny!” Finn snapped awake with a start, still unused to the sound of Felix's mom's voice first thing in the morning. He sat up and looked around the room in confusion. That's right, he was at Felix's house. His third morning waking up here and it was still taking some getting used to. “Did you sleep well?” Especially because of her. He only grunted as she peeled back the Pajama Pirates sheets to reveal his matching pajamas. “And you have dry Pull-ups? Let's get you to the potty straight away!” She picked him up and carried him across the hall to the bathroom. Finny was sitting on the special potty seat before he even knew what was happening. “That makes three dry mornings, Finny!” She said as he tried to focus on peeing. “If you make five days.” She waved a hand in front of her face. “You'll get a special prize.”

“Like treating me my actual age?” He muttered. She didn't seem to hear him, so he peed and wondered what today would hold. He knew it wouldn't be anything good. The last three days since he and Nate had come to live at Felix's had been, as Mom would've put it, an adjustment.

Their parents had come across what Dad called a once in a lifetime research opportunity, which meant a lot of adjustments, most notably coming to live with Felix and his mom until winter break. It better be only 'til then, Finn thought.

At first, the plan had been to have them go to their grandparents', but neither Finn nor Nate liked the idea of a whole new school. Though they had both begged Mom and Dad to think of something else, Nate was the one who suggested Felix's house. Even as Finn's apprehension about that grew, the plan seemed to take shape to the point that they all went over to Felix’s to propose the idea.

“I’ve always wanted to go to Antarctica!” Felix’s mom gushed.

“It’s going to be great.” Mom said with a smile. “Both for our research and just for sight-seeing.”

"But, there are things that need to happen back home.” Dad said, getting down to business. “Rather than uproot the boys and send them to their grandparents' with a whole different school for at least half the school year, we thought it’d be better to stick with the school they know"

"Not Finny!" Nate interrupted. "He's going to a new school." Midtown High, Finn thought with almost reverence.

"We thought," Dad said pointedly. "We thought it might be best if they could board with you for the year. Might even only be until winter break, depending on how things go."

“Though Nate does make a good point. It's a delicate age for Finn,” It was Finn's turn to interject.

“Mom! I’m not delicate.” She shushed him and continued.

“So the more continuity we can give him, the better. Again, it's up to you.”

"Oh, what an idea!" Felix's mom beamed. “I think it's a wonderful plan.”

“We know it’s a big ask, but if you’re willing, we think it’d be best for the boys.” Finn watched Felix’s mom closely. Surely she’ll say something, anything that would give away that she thought he was a toddler.

“Well, I think it would be just dandy. Felix has that bunk bed that Nate’s used before, so as long as you two are ok with them sharing,” Mom and Dad glanced at Nate before nodding. “And I’ll do the guest room up special for Finny. You should have your own room, don’t you think?”

“Yes, since I’m older.” He said.

“He has his own room here.” Mom said, misunderstanding.

“Well, I think it's a marvelous idea!” Felix's mom said.

“We've obviously got a few weeks to iron out the details.” Dad said. “We leave only about a week before school starts, so…”

“So,” Mom said, patting her husband's knee. “If you suddenly come to your senses about having triple the boys around the house!” She laughed.

For Nate, the arrangement meant a long-term sleepover with his best friend. For Finn, it meant seemingly never-ending toddler time. How had this all been decided without Mom or Dad making it clear he was a teenager? For the first time in his life, Finn was actually looking forward to school starting next week, if only as a break from Felix's mom. Then again, once he got home from Midtown High School, surely she would realize she was horribly mistaken.

“All done?” She asked cheerfully. Finn nodded. “And you went! What a big boy!”

“I always go.” Finn said.

“I know, but better safe than sorry, especially since this is all still new, huh?”

“Nate and Felix around?” He asked, seizing the opportunity to pull up his pajama shorts before she did it for him.

“They spent the night at their friend Jaycen's house, remember?” Wish I'd thought of that, Finn thought, though he worried just how Felix's mom would have reacted to him asking her… no, I'd tell her I was going to Jake's house! “They might show up, but we'll have lots of fun even without them. It's almost school time, you know” she guided him over to the sink, standing behind him to wash his hands for him. “So we'll eat breakfast, play outside for a little while, and then it'll be in the car to go buy back to school supplies!”

I guess that doesn't sound terrible, Finn thought as he followed her back to the guest room. He refused to think of it as his room since it was full of toys, books, and clothes fit for a boy ten years younger than him.

“Are we gonna get new clothes?” Finn asked as he watched her fiddle around in the dresser. What horrible outfit was she assembling for him? He was almost relieved when the clothes she had chosen were plain, albeit a matching set of an orange t-shirt and shorts. And, of course, toddler train briefs. “Can't I wear other undies? Please?”

“Your Pull-ups?” That was enough to get him to acquiesce and step into the held out clothes.

He had packed plenty of his own clothes, even contemplating and then deciding against ‘forgetting’ to pack underwear as a ploy to guarantee getting boxers for back to school. Remembering the Thomas the Tank Engine briefs from his last stay, he had shoved every pair of his own underwear into his bags. It turned out not to matter since Felix's mom dressed him every day. He was almost certain his underwear had made it into the dresser in the toddler room, but all he ever saw come out of the drawer was Pull-ups and what he wore now.

I'm almost glad they don't make Pajama Pirates underwear. He thought. Trains had to be better than having Tugboat Teddy on his butt. It’s probably illegal to put a baby like him on underwear anyway.

“Do we want cereal or french toast sticks for breakfast?”

“Burritos.” Finn said at once.

“Finny.”

“I want burritos, please.” Please really was the magic word with Felix's mom.

“Are you sure you'll like them?”

“I'm sure.” She studied his face and then smiled.

“Alright, but you need to eat all of the burrito, okay? Promise?”

"I promise," Finn mumbled, not particularly liking the idea of Felix's mom acting like she knew his tastes better than he did. French toast sticks were fine, but he wanted something else! Felix and Nate got to make their own breakfast and eat whatever they wanted. Why did two sixth graders get more control than he, a soon-to-be ninth grader, got?

"Order up!" Felix's mom said, placing a burrito in front of him. "You can have the other one once you finish this." She said, eyeing him as if she still did not believe he would like it. "It's still really hot, so blow, blow, blow on it!" Finn did so, feeling like she was watching his every move. She was, and had been for the last few days.

"Can... can I have some juice please?"

"Oh! I completely forgot your sippy!" She hurried away and he seized his opportunity. He picked up one of the two halves of the burrito -- why did she cut everything up for him? -- and took a bite. His nose wrinkled as the taste hit his tongue. Oh. Oh, no. "Juice for Finny!" If she noticed his face, she made no indication of it. "Now you can eat up." Finn forced the bite down and tried to form a strategy. He would have to keep forcing it down. There was no other solution. Why did it taste so gross? Nate and Felix at these every morning! Had they gone bad?

Felix's mom did not hover once she saw him take a few more bites. Finn picked and pecked at the burrito, managing to finish half of it before realizing that this would not end well. He was hungry, but not for something that tasted like soapy socks.

"How's it going in there?" Felix's mom called from the kitchen.

"Fine." Finn panicked. Did that sound fine? Did he answer too quickly?

"Out of juice?"

"Uh, no." She poked her head in and smiled.

"That's what I figured, Finny." She walked in, carrying a plate with french toast sticks on it. "Give these a try." Finn was too hungry to question it, though he did glare at the smug face of Tugboat Teddy on the plate. He watched through the fringe of his hair as Felix's mom grabbed the other half of the burrito and took a bite, showing no sign that it tasted bad to her. What was going on? "Once you're done and we've cleaned up, how 'bout you go outside and play?"

"Sure."

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Finny." She said, kissing the top of his head. "Mouth full of hair!" She teased. "Didn't your mommy say you need a haircut before school?"

"She said it might be a good idea." Finn allowed, making a point to talk with his mouth full, just to spite her.

"Hmm." She looked at her phone while Finn ate. “Maybe we can sneak that in today.”

Once breakfast and clean-up were done and Finn had promised at least three times that he did not need to pee, it was time to go outside.

“What do you want to do outside, Finny?” Felix’s mom asked as she pulled socks onto his feet with him in her lap.

“Uh”

“Ride bike?”

“No.”

“Still not feeling brave?” The bike in question was a toddler bike she had found somewhere. It was almost worrying just how much effort she had put into getting things ready for Finn's stay. Rather than risk being seen riding that little blue bike around the block, he let her believe he was afraid of it after inexplicably managing to fall over and scrape his elbow, despite the training wheels. “How about we get the chalk out? You can play hopscotch or whatever it is little boys play.” Just like that, she tickled his sides. “Finny’s a little boy! Yes, he is!”

"Stop!" Why did she seem to tickle him out of the blue? He didn't even know he was still ticklish until she started to do that last time he was here.

"Alright, mister. Gonna draw me a nice picture on the sidewalk?"

"I guess?" Finn hoped against hope that she would not supervise him outside. He got his wish in the most ironic fashion when they met Nate and Felix outside.

"Did you boys have fun?" Felix's mom asked as she held Finn in her arms, seemingly unaware of how he squirmed.

"I guess." Felix sounded just like Finn, but his mom reacted completely differently.

"I want details, young man."

"Geez." Felix muttered. "Can I pee first?" Felix seemed immune to her maternal stare.

"Finny, how about you go draw with your chalk and Nate will watch you." She said, her tone making it clear that she did not want them around while she spoke with Felix.

"Uh, sure." Finn snorted. Even a blockhead like his little brother had caught her tone.

"Alrighty, Finny. Draw me a pretty picture and in a bit, maybe Nate can help you play a fun game I found online." Maternal duty called and that meant, for the moment, Finn was released from her metaphorical clutches and her arms.

"We didn't even do anything." Nate said, more to himself than to Finn once Felix's mom disappeared inside.

"You know Mom and Dad told us to be on our best behavior."

"Is that what you're doing?" Nate asked with a snort. Finn blushed. "It's hilarious that you still try to boss me around. I saw your butt yesterday."

"Only cuz you insisted on peeing while I..." Noticing Nate's smirk, Finn quit while he was ahead. "You really could help me, you know."

"With your art project?"

"No. With everything."

"School starts on Monday. Felix's mom knows you're going to Midtown. She'll figure it out." Finn sighed. He could think of about two hundred ways Nate could have been more helpful than that, but, dressed the way he was, he knew trying to tell him any of them was pointless. "Are you really gonna draw?" Finn sighed again.

"With her," he jerked his head toward the house. "It's better just to go with the lesser of two evils. She might..." Once again, he cut himself off. The last thing he wanted was to give Nate ideas, especially since they both knew there were only a few more days left of this treatment and Nate would definitely like the idea of some sort of last hurray.

Unsure of what else to do, Finn began to draw spirals and abstract patterns on the sidewalk just below the stairs up to the house. If only he was an amazing artist, he could have done a masterpiece to prove his age to Felix's mom. He had tried everything. School starts soon, he reminded himself. Once he was going to Midtown every day, Felix's mom would finally realize how wrong she was. Or she'll just keep…

"Looking good, Finny!" Felix's mom said as she came out with a chastened Felix.

"There's breakfast inside." Felix said to Nate, barely even looking at him. He disappeared inside.

"Do you want to keep drawing... whatever it is you're drawing or do you want to try one of the games I found?"

"I dunno."

"Well, how about this?" Kneeling slightly, she took his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Over here on the driveway, lie down like you're doing a snow angel."

"Ok?" Finn complied and she took a piece of white chalk.

"Are you tracing him like a crime scene?" Felix asked, curiosity piqued.

"Not quite. We're gonna make a chalk Finny! Hold very, very still, Finny. Still as a stone!" She drew around him and once again pulled him to his feet. "Now you get to be an artist and color yourself in!"

"Oh." She smiled and kissed the top of his head.

"Once Nate finishes eating, I want you two to play with Finny."

"Ok." Whatever he had gotten in trouble for, it must have stuck, because Felix seemed much more mellow than he had ever been.

Just a couple weeks ago, Finn had been pulled into Nate's room to record his present for Felix's twelfth birthday: him dancing around with Pull-ups on his head to a video of a counting to twelve song, though song was charitable.

"One, two, three, count with me!" Felix had whispered to him just a few days ago and he knew from Nate that Felix had loved it.

"Here you go, Finny!" Felix's mom said, pulling him back into the moment. She handed him brown chalk. "How about you draw your chalk self with the hair style you want? I made you an appointment at Funky Monkey for this afternoon!" The sun beating down on him suddenly seemed ice cold. Funky Monkey?

"I think" he stopped, remembering one of his pet theories: Felix's mom stopped listening after six words at most, so he had to speak clearly and keep it short. "Mom said a trim."

"Well, show me, muffin." She said, kneeling down and nudging him toward the bald outline.

"Give yourself a big green mohawk!" Felix said. "Actually, can I get one of those?"

"Maybe for school picture day." His mom teased.

"We're outta burritos." Nate announced as he came out of the house.

"Oh, right. Finny and I split one and I realized we were getting low." She smiled down at Finn, who had looked up from pretending to color with chalk when he heard his name. Rather than actually color in his chalk doppelganger, Finn had resumed doodling abstractly, surrounding his crime scene outline with swirls and polygons. "Add it to our shopping list, Finny. Actually, I should write one down. Can you boys play with Finny while I do that?" Finn was a little relieved that she had said play with this time instead of watch. That made it a little less embarrassing.

"Play what? Isn't he just drawing?"

"You clearly did not sleep well last night." Felix's mom said. "If he's not wanting to color himself in, there's another game I found. You draw colored squares and have Finny hop into the one you call. It'll help him review his colors." Finn eyed Nate, who was clearly considering if that could be embarrassing or not.

"We could write the alphabet and have him practice letters." Felix suggested.

"He knows how to read." His mom said. "Don't you, Finny?"

"Yes."

"See?" She smiled. "You holler if the big boys try to abandon you, Finny."

"We're not gonna do that." Nate promised. She gave them both one last maternal look of warning before disappearing inside.

"Four, five, six, march to the beat." Felix sang.

"Did you memorize that whole song?"

"You should sing it for mom." He said. "Or we can show her."

"Prolly better to reenact it." Nate said.

"Why are you coloring, chalking, whatever?"

"He says it's better to do this than whatever your mom comes up with instead."

"Playing in the sprinkler again?" Felix grinned at the thought.

"Summer is almost over." Nate said, clearly considering it. Felix always seemed to coax his bully side out. "But your mom's mad, dude. Maybe we shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Do you want to get grounded?"

"My mom doesn't-"

"Or have to go shopping with her and Finny insteada" he jutted his chin. Clearly they had some sort of plans.

"Take me with you."

"Huh?" Finn looked up at Nate and Felix. He hadn't even realized he had said it out loud.

"I'm getting sick of your mom." He said. "What's her problem?" To his surprise, Felix flopped down on the grass so that they were closer to eye level.

"Honestly, no clue. Even when my little cousin Adam's here, she isn't like she is with you."

"You're like the son she never had." Felix rolled his eyes and, lunging, tried to pants Nate. Nate danced away. "But seriously, it's only for a few more days, right?" Finn nodded, but he could not shake the fear that high school would not fix a thing. What if she tried to send him to school in Pull-ups?

"It would really help if you guys told her."

"I'm already in trouble with her, dude." Felix said. "If she finds out we've lied for like two months..."

"And it's really your fault." Nate said. "You coulda told her like a thousand times. You're always with her."

"I've tried! She doesn't ever listen."

"Well, that's just moms." Nate said sagely.

"Are we gonna-" Felix jerked his head.

"Remember, we're trying to be go- behave." Nate reminded him. "We'll go after Finny and your mom leave."

"Please take me with you. Wherever it is. Whatever it is!"

"We have to ask permission if we do that." Nate said.

"We'll leave after you do and be back before you are." Felix explained. "Mom'll never know because you're not gonna tattle."

"I will." Finn said. "Unless you tell her I'm a high schooler."

"How about I tell her you peed?" Felix retorted. "Right in your widdle baby diaper."

"Don't try to deny it." Nate added. "Your pajamas really don't hide anything."

"That's just at night." Finn muttered.

"But you go to bed so early, it's like ten hours of diapers."

"Yeah!" Felix grinned. "So that means you're only in underwear like... like"

"Fourteen." Felix's grin grew.

"Fourteen hours of undies for a fourteen year old. Well, almost."

"Well," Finn gulped as the door opened and Felix's mom came out.

"Having fun?" She asked, choosing not to ask why they all looked guilty. That was boys for you.

Despite saying it was time to go shopping, all three boys were herded inside and Finn was subjected first to a snack, which would have been fine if he had not had to wear a bib and drink from a sippy cup, and then potty time.

"The store only has big potties, so we'll take advantage of your extra special potty seat." Finn glared at the snickers, but realized that he needed to pee now to avoid being put in Pull-ups. It was hard to focus with the door wide open and Felix's mom deciding him being half naked was no reason not to try to tame his hair.

Successfully peeing, as always, was treated as a novelty worthy of loud celebration, so he was nearly relieved when it was time to go out to the car.

"All snug and safe?" Felix's mom asked after buckling Finn into a carseat. He nodded. "Hold still." She said, fishing a hairbrush out of her purse to again force his hair into submission. "We are not coming home until this hair is cut."

"It's not that bad." Finn replied. She gave him a look.

"What do you want to listen to?" It was such a casual question, Finn automatically shrugged.

"Whatever." He said. He regretted it as the soundtrack of Captain Snuggle began to play.

Hitting every red light let them get through far too many of the songs before finally arriving. Felix's mom parked and looked back at him.

"Still awake? I forgot how many lullabies this movie has!”

“How could you?”

“And we're much too busy for a nap. Plus you're too big for naps, aren't you? No naps for Finny! " She kept a steady stream of one-sided chatter as she extracted Finn from the carseat and deposited him straight into a cart.

"Remember our list?"

"Think so." Finn replied, but she tapped her phone.

"I've got it all here, so that'll be our backup." She smiled and patted his cheek. "Isn't this great? You get to be right here so I can always see my Finny." He must've frowned, because she laughed reassuringly. "Don't worry. I know your real Mommy is missing you a whole bunch, but we're still having fun, aren't we?" Before Finn could tell her exactly what he thought about that, the greeter at the door interjected.

"Welcome in, folks! Mommy-daughter shopping day?" Finn's head whipped around and he glared more intensely than he should have at a man around his grandpa's age.

"Oh, Finny's not my daughter." Felix's mom said.

"And I'm a boy!" Finn spat. The man laughed.

"Sorry, sir." He said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye that matched his overly patronizing tone.

"I'm watching him while his parents are on a trip to Antarctica actually."

"Oh! The son of explorers!" He chuckled. "Well, I have just the thing for a little guy about to explore the depths of the jungle!" Before Finn could object, he pulled a sticker out of his pocket and planted it right on his shirt.

"What do you say, Finny?"

"Thanks." The cart mercifully rolled away.

"See? Maybe that haircut isn't such a bad idea."

"But not at Funky Monkey. More like Stinky Monkey." Felix's mom was already laser focused on shopping.

Few things are as boring as back to school shopping. There's very little fun to be found in pencils, notebooks, and other school supplies, plus each item hitting the floor of the cart was a death knell of summer. In past years, Finn had always stayed home or wandered the store while Mom or Dad handled the tedium, but he had no choice to sit there, idly dangling his legs.

"Alright," Felix's mom said after what felt like six hours. With any luck, Finn thought, Stinky Monkey's closed and we can just go to a normal barber or something. "We're all set on school supplies." She smiled down at Finn. "And I think we're good on your Pull-ups, aren't we?" Finn had no idea, but nodded to avoid the humiliation of the diaper aisle. "Ok, so we just need underwear and burritos." She laughed. "That doesn't sound very appetizing, does it? Are you hungry, Finny?"

"Huh? Uh, I guess a little?" He had had a napkin of Cheetos just before they left.

"We'll do lunch after this." Felix's mom decreed. The cart moved again and she once again resumed her monologue. "Let's see, all three of you should still be in the boys' department." Was this his chance?

"Uh" he said. Not a great start. "Can I... can I pick what I get?" She smiled.

"Of course, muffin." Relief washed over him. "A perk of being my special little helper."

She parked the cart just outside the aisle. Finn half-lifted his arms to be lifted out, but she instead walked a short distance away and bent over to find what she was looking for.

"I'll be right back, Finny." She said.

"But"

"I'm gonna find a few options and you can pick from those." No! That wasn't what he wanted!

"I... I" he tried to fight through his panic. The only thing close to him was a display of Capricorn boxer briefs that would be way too big for him. Could he get out? He squirmed and wiggled, making some progress.

"Excited little boy!" She said. "Well, I've got three options for you." He relaxed as he saw boxers in her hands. "Boxers for the big boys." She said, tossing them into the cart over his shoulder. "And for Finny's undies..." She displayed three plastic packages. "They don't have Thomas, but I think you want a change anyway." But these? Finn thought in horror. Baby Shark, Sesame Street, and Bunnydale?!

"I don't want any of these."

"Finny, these are all very nice-"

"I can't wear them to high school!"

"No one at school's gonna see your underpants. They go under pants, remember?" Finn took a deep breath. This was it, the moment of truth.

"I am fourteen years old." Remembering that she seemed to stop listening, he tried to keep each statement short and to the point. "I'm in high school. I want- I need boxers." He gestured angrily at the closest pack. "I can't wear" he censored himself. "Baby Shark for gym class."

"These are your options, Finny."

"There are boxers right there!"

"I'm going to count to five and then I'll decide for you. One"

"Guess it's a standoff then." He sat there, staring with disdain at the so-called options as she counted.

"Five. Alright, buddy. Baby Shark it is." Finn tried and failed to stop them from landing in the cart, right next to Nate and Felix's boxers. "Finny Shark, do do do do do do." She sang, seemingly unbothered by the steam Finn was certain was coming out of his ears. "Maybe a nap would've been a good idea. Overstimulated little boy."

It'll be okay. Finn told himself as he tried to calm down. I can just use my shirt to hide them and once she realizes I'm going to Midtown, she'll let me dress myself and probably even buy me boxers. Just gotta make it a few more days. A few more days! Besides, it's dumb to be on the verge of tears about fucking underwear.

"I know you like to be just like the big boys, but maybe you can try to chew with your mouth closed." Felix's mom said as they ate lunch, she a salad and him chicken nuggets. Something about the way she said it, without the usual little kiddy tone, made Finn pause and focus on chewing quietly. “Someone must've been hangry, hmm?”

“I still don’t want those… those things.”

“I know for a fact your daddy calls you shark fin, so Finny Shark seems perfect.”

“Why don't you call him and ask?”

“Maybe we can call them and show them your new 'do?” She looked at her phone. “Though I can never remember what time it is there versus here.”

After they finished eating and Finn had been brought into the women's room to pee and wash up, there was nothing standing between him and Funky Monkey. He grimaced as he saw the sign.

"I do not want my hair cut here."

"Haven't you been before?"

"I usually go to the same barber as my dad and Nate."

"Then you're in for a treat!"

"I don't want to do it here!" How could he be more clear? Felix's mom frowned.

"I hate to do this, but if you come in and be a good boy for your haircut, we'll get ice cream at that ice cream parlor after, okay?" She brushed hair out of his eyes as if to drive home that he needed a haircut. "Or we can go buy you a dress and rename you Finnomina."

"What?" She laughed and tickled his sides until he couldn't fight it anymore and squeal-laughed.

"I promise, I won't let them cut off your ear or anything like that." All Finn could do as he walked in holding her hand was hope that something, anything would stop this from happening. What are you even worried about? He asked himself as they draped a cape with comets and rockets over him. It's a haircut.

"Hi there, my name's Gina." The stylist said once he was set. "What brings you in?"

"This is Finny." Felix's mom said. "And he's starting at Midtown on Monday!" Finn's eyes widened and he almost looked over his shoulder at her in disbelief.

"Oh, wow!" Gina patted his shoulder. "You're gonna be going to Midtown High, huh?" Oblivious to the wink in his excitement, he nodded, hardly even caring what might happen now that he could rest assured that Felix's mom knew. Gina chuckled. "Well, what are we thinking for Mister Finny Fish then?"

"Just a trim." That was what Finn always said to the barber, but that wasn't good enough for Gina. She looked to Felix's mom, who had pulled up a photo on her phone.

"I think we'll do this. Keep it a little long over his ears."

"Oh, for cute. He'll look so handsome!" Finn craned his neck, trying hard to see.

"I think Finny wants to see." Gina said with a laugh.

"No." His voice trembled as he looked at a smiling cherub-faced toddler with a bowl cut. "Absolutely not!" He tried to get up out of the red pleather chair, but Gina restrained him with a hand.

"Uh, big feeling alert!"

"Stop! Let me go! You can't send me to high school with hair like that! You can't!" Felix's mom pushed a pacifier into his mouth.

"He's had a lot of excitement. His parents are on an expedition"

"Oh, really?"

"So I have him and his brother until December and it's been a big adjustment, especially starting at a new school and all that." Gina nodded. "And we just got done with school shopping, so I think it's feeling real for him and you know how little guys struggle with, well, like you said, big feelings." Finn realized he was sucking on the pacifier. Spitting it out would almost certainly get him in trouble, but maybe he could just pull it out? He tried to get a hand out from under the billowing cape.

"We get it a lot at Funky Monkey. Once we get started, he'll probably calm down."

"I don't want a bowl cut!" Finn whined. "You gotta listen! I'm fourteen years old, I can't go to school looking like a baby!"

"Finny." Felix's mom said. "Behave." He glared at her, but Gina had a job to do. Finn's glare faded into a look of disbelief as the smiling stylist chatted with Felix's mom, each lock of hair falling to the floor seeming to seal his fate more and more. Even if she insisted on him wearing those Baby Shark undies, he could hide those. Walking into high school with a fresh bowl cut? That was pretty much a death sentence. I... I guess she'll probably chew the school a new one when I get bullied?

"I don't want this." He whimpered, but the toddler in the mirror was the only one who seemed to hear, tearing up in sympathy.

"Nearly done. You've been so good, Finny." Gina said. Felix's mom leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Oh, well, we don't do that too often, though it's definitely a trend with the older boys. You can see the prices up there."

"I think it'd look so sweet."

"What?"

"Oh, definitely. I'm almost done here, then we can do that." Gina looked at Finn's reflection as if she had only just noticed him. "You're going to look just precious."

"What happened to handsome?"

"Alright, Finny, I'm gonna go get something." Felix's mom almost immediately took her place behind him, admiring his new haircut. He glowered. Somehow, even being in just Pull-ups did not make him look as babyish as this haircut. Maybe I can be one of those guys who never takes off his hat. He turned his head from side to side, trying to imagine how that would look.

"I think he likes it!" Gina cooed as she returned. Realizing he did look llke he was admiring it, he stopped and stared down at his lap. "I keep telling them, we should do before and after photos so you can really see the improvement." She set whatever she had on a small table. "Alright, buddy. This stuff will really sting if it gets in your eyes, so I'm gonna need you to sit super still, okie dokie?"

"What is it?"

"It's something for your hair! Your- what does he call you?"

"We haven't really figured something out yet. He calls me Felix's mom, Felix is my son."

"Ah! Well, we both think this will really make you the cutest little guy in all the world! Most popular kid at Midtown, for sure." Finn's brow furrowed. They both seemed well aware he was going to high school, but didn't seem to think it was weird that he had a bowl cut and a pacifier in his mouth. Something wasn't adding up.

Gina ran a comb through his hair and applied something cold to his head. Finn watched closely, trying to figure out what it might be. He usually didn't even bother combing his hair, so the whole world of haircare was mysterious to him.

"Geez Louise, this stuff stinks." Gina murmured. Finn's nose wrinkled as he got hit with a whiff of it. It smelled like a pool! "His hair's so fine, it shouldn't take too long, but you keep holding still, bud, okay?"

"What's going on?" Finn asked.

"You'll love it." I doubt that!

"Alright, now it's got to stay in your hair until we hear the beep. Hold very, very still!"

Boredom quickly set in, replacing his apprehension about what they were doing to his hair. Finn sucked on the pacifier and felt his eyelids start to droop. He was not about to fall asleep! It was the stupid pacifier's fault. He always had it put in at bedtime, so now his brain associated it with being sleepy. He pinched his thigh just above the knee as hard as he could and felt the sleepiness retreat, but for how long?

He was up to eleven or twelve pinches by the time Gina finally began to rinse his hair. All at once, he wondered if Felix's mom had remembered Felix half-suggesting Finn get a green mohawk, half-asking for it himself and had decided to try to win him over by dying his bowl of hair green. That's ridiculous, he thought a moment before the chair swiveled and he looked at his reflection for the first time. The muscles in his jaw seized.

“What did you do?” Finn launched out of the salon chair, ripping the cape off and glaring at both Gina and Felix's mom. It was her fault, after all.

“Big feeling-”

“Stop! You… you ruined my hair!” He gestured up at his now bleach blonde bowl cut. “I am not some dumb little toddler, I am a-” Felix's mom moved just as quickly as he had, trying to intercept him mid-tantrum. “No, stop! Listen!” Finn tried to run, but he was soon cornered and wrapped in Felix's mom's arms. “No, no!” He pushed against her, but it was no use. He gasped for breath, completely overwhelmed, tears pouring down his cheeks. “I… I don't want this!”

“I am so sorry.” Felix's mom said, but she was talking to Gina and everyone around them, not the wailing boy in her arms.

“No worries.” He heard Gina say. “You tend to him and I'll take your card up front.”

Felix's mom rubbed his back and cooed, but there seemed to be a stiffness under her typical warmth. She was mad!

“Let’s go to the car.” Felix’s mom picked him up. “Again, I am so sorry. I think it’s just been a lot for him.”

“Can-” Finn tried to calm down as she buckled him in. “Aren’t we gonna get ice cream?” He froze as he saw her expression. He was so used to her smiling and treating him like a baby, her face now terrified him. No wonder why Felix seemed so timid after his talking to! She sighed and seemed to soften.

“Your behavior doesn’t warrant ice cream, Finny. You want me to treat you as a big boy; big boys need to accept that misbehaving has consequences.”

“What’s consequences?” Finn asked as cutely as he could manage, a last ditch attempt to get her to change her mind. She sighed again and they drove home in silence.

“Boys! Come help unload!” She called as they pulled into the driveway. “Now!” Felix and Nate came pounding out of the house, laughing and joking with each other.

“Dude.” Felix nudged Nate in the side and pointed at Finn being lifted out of the car. Finn whimpered and nearly started crying again as he saw their dumbstruck faces.

“Grab and carry.” Felix’s mom said. “I’m not in the mood, boys.” She turned her gaze back to Finn. “And you, you’re getting quiet time.”

Quiet time was almost a relief because the last thing Finn wanted was to hear Felix and Nate cackle about his hair. He avoided mirrors, but any time his blonde bangs caught his eye, he groaned.

He was a bit surprised how long he was able to avoid the inevitable, but at dinner, he could no longer hide from them.

“What?” He spat.

“Dude.” Nate said gently. “What… what happened?”

“She happened.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“I did!” He sniffled. I can’t cry in front of them! I can’t!

“Well,” Felix said softly. “Maybe… a lot of guys are doing the bleached buzz cut, so we could salvage it?” Nate nodded eagerly.

“Do you guys have clippers?”

“Naw, but we can borrow some from Jaycen, I’m pretty sure. We’ll be going over there tomorrow night, so we’ll get your hair fixed before school.” Finn grinned. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad! Then again, even a day or two of a blonde bowl cut was a day or two too many.

“Seriously, Finn.” Nate said with a loud sigh of disbelief. “You look-”

“He looks handsome, doesn’t he?” Felix’s mom said. How much had she heard? “He’ll be so grown-up for our special errand tomorrow!” She grinned at Finn as if she expected him to bounce with excitement. Bring back the dragon lady from this afternoon, Finn thought, though he immediately regretted it.

“What errand?” He asked. She smiled knowingly and he lost his appetite. What more could she do to him? It made him feel sick knowing, for better or worse, he would find out tomorrow.

Over the course of the evening, Finn tried to trick her into telling him. She would only smile and say that she was glad he was excited. He gave up before long as he had other concerns. There was something about his new hairdo that was bothering him and he had to check, just to be sure. He whimpered softly as he found the book on the bookshelf and confirmed his fears.

"Careful on the stairs!" Without even acknowledging Felix's mom, he charged upstairs to Nate and Felix's room.

"What's up, Finn?" Nate asked, lounging on the lower bunk.

"Look!" Finn held up A Quiet Night for Tugboat Teddy. "She made me look like him!"

"We're gonna fix it, Finn." Nate said as Felix turned his back to Finn to hide how funny he found it. Finn really was the spitting image of Tugboat Teddy, though one boy wore a big dopey grin and the other looked as if the world was ending. "I promise."

"Is this a no girls allowed party?" Felix's mom asked. "Finny, leave the big boys alone. I'll read that to you. Oh, actually, why don't you read it to me? We'll get jammies on!" Finn stared at her, worried tears might well up again. In this stupid pajamas, he'd look even more like Teddy the Cabin Baby!

Bedtime reading gave him another few opportunities to try to get Felix's mom to reveal her secret. She held firm. Whatever it was, she deemed it so important, she told him he would be going to bed early tonight. He had a suspicion that it was also a punishment for today, but at least sitting in the dark, he did not have to be constantly reminded of the bleached monstrosity on his head. Maybe it would be less horrible in the morning, he thought as he drifted off to sleep.

~ F ~ 

It wasn’t.

“Today's the big day.” Felix said cheerfully.

“Do you know what she's talking about?” Finn asked.

“Do you?” Nate said, just as curious.

“Naw, mom's still mad at me about” he raised his eyebrows at Nate, who snorted. Finn sighed. Everyone kept secrets from him!

“Well, whatever it is, we're gonna get the clippers.” Nate said, leaning over to whisper conspiratorially. Finn didn't like that the same brother who had gotten him in the mess was now acting as if he had always been on his side.

“Maybe you can ask her?” Finn suggested.

“About getting the clippers?”

“No, Felix. About where she's taking me!”

“Geez, blondie. Calm down.”

“Stop!” Finn stretched it out to draw Felix's mom over.

“Yelling must mean you're done eating breakfast, Finny?” She said, wiping his face with a napkin almost immediately. He ate a few more bites, staring pointedly at Felix and Nate. Though they always seemed to know what the other was thinking, neither picked up on his telepathic message.

I should've known something was suspicious about breakfast in pajamas, Finn thought as he was taken to the bathroom following breakfast. It was bath time.

“I wanted to give your hair plenty of time for the bleach to set.” Felix's mom said, tugging down his shorts and Pull-ups in one swoop. “Do you want your bath toys, Tugboat Finny?” Finn glared at her. “Aww, Tugboat Teddy is only half as cute as you are, Finny Fin.”

“I don't like it.” He said. Short sentences got through more often, after all, and surely she'd pick up that what he meant was ‘I can't believe you did this to me’.

“It's still new. New things are always tough.” She replied.

“Gonna get beaten up on Monday.” He said, figuring it would be best to not give her any hint of his plan to have this dumb bowl cut shaved off by then.

“If Nate or Felix hurts you, you tell me right away.” She moved him around as if inspecting him for bruises.

“Not them. They don’t even go to my school anymore.” He said. It was true. They’d be at Washington Middle School, Finn was practically counting the minutes until he was at Midtown.

“You’re really excited for school!” You have no idea. “Well,” she gasped and covered her mouth. “I nearly ruined the surprise!”

“What surprise?” Finn whined.

“I promise you’ll love it.”

Finn’s doubts about that only grew after she wrapped him in the frog towel and made him hop back to his room. He stood in the middle of the room, back to the mirror, as she picked out clothes for him.

“No sharks!”

“Of course not!” She said. “We’re saving those for the new school year.” She flopped a red and blue pair of Thomas briefs at him as if to prove it. He sighed. With his hair, he looked like the sort of toddler who wore those. They’re gonna fix it. He thought, part of him still refusing to believe that he was actually relying on Nate and Felix to help him. “Alrighty, some nice pants, a shirt, I think we’ve got everything we need to make you a handsome young man.”

“Other than my hair.”

“Your hair’s the most important part, Finny.” She said. “I bet by tonight, you’re gonna be too excited to even think about your cutie patootie hairdoodie.”

“Hairdoodie?”

“Step into your undies!”

As she dressed him, Finn tried to get some clues about where they were going. Pants and a button-up shirt, however, told him very little. He studied the robin’s egg blue socks she put on his feet with a critical eye, but they were made of cotton and knew nothing about the destination.

“And for something extra special,” she said. “We need to make a good impression!”

“Where?” She only smiled, like always, and busied herself putting a bow tie, blue with green frogs, on his shirt. She jostled it a bit to confirm the clip would hold.

“I think we’re set, mister handsome!” She kissed his cheek, gently pushing a strand of hair back into place before steering him in front of the mirror. “Froggies for Finny!” She announced. “Even though you’re in nice clothes, hop, hop, hop!” He rose up onto the balls of his feet a few times to satisfy her.

“Dork alert.” Felix whispered to Nate. The pair sat together on the couch, close enough that there would have been room yet for Felix’s mom to sit and for Finn to lie down fully.

“Doesn’t Finny look handsome?”

“Sure.” Nate grinned at Finn. “Where are you going all spiffy like that?”

“She won’t tell me.”

“He’s so excited even without knowing.” She said with a smile. “Finny, come have some juice and a little snack. But no crumbs!” It had only been forty minutes at most since breakfast, but the snack was little more than a half dozen cheese crackers. With that, she took his hand and led him out to the car.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s very kind of you to offer to drive, Finny.” She said. “But I’ve got it.” Finn grimaced, first at her and then at the reflection he caught in the window as she closed the door.

He watched cars, trees, and buildings go by, still unsure of where they were going. The park was to the left, but they went to the right. Washington Middle School was just down Jefferson Street, but they wouldn’t have any reason to go there. They turned left and things started to look very familiar. Finn looked ahead of them and craned his neck, watching as Felix’s mom turned into the parking lot of a building he knew quite well.

"Midtown Elementary!?” Was she confused? “No, I’m going to Midtown High!"

"Silly Finny. What else does the sign say?"

"Kin-" His mouth felt dry as he realized what their special errand was. "Kindergarten Round-Up.” It couldn’t be.

Panic gripped him as she parked, but he tried to calm down. This was fine. It would be embarrassing, sure, but how long could it possibly take for them to notice that he was not a kindergartener? Gina didn’t notice, a nagging voice told him. And now you’re a blonde baby, Tugboat Finny! He pushed the thought away. There was no way Felix’s mom could enroll him. He had gone to Midtown, this Midtown, from kindergarten through fifth grade. The system would show he had done all this a decade ago.

“Decided we’re at the right place?” Felix’s mom asked, not quite able to fully hide her surprise when he hopped out of the car. “You’re going to be a kindergartener!” Yeah, just let yourself believe that, Finn thought smugly.

They followed the sign on the door to a bright classroom. It took a moment, but Finn realized that this was the same room he had attended kindergarten in. Perfect. Even better, the smiling woman in the patchwork vest at the sign-in table was none other than Miss Simmons, his kindergarten teacher. They’d be done in no time.

“Hello!” She said, smiling at Finn without even acknowledging the woman holding his hand. “What’s your name?”

“Finn Mercer.” He said at once, expecting her to gasp in recognition.

“And you’re going to be in kindergarten, huh? So exciting.” She beamed.

“Uh, well,”

“Don’t worry. We’ll let your adult take care of the boring paperwork. How about you go on over to the activities? You can do a puzzle or investigate the sensory bins or even play with play-doh. It’s just a sampling of all the fun we’ll have in kindergarten this year.”

“No, I’m Finn Mercer.” Her smile dropped slightly and she laughed, attention shifting to Felix’s mom.

“You must’ve drilled first name, last name with him, huh?”

“Go explore, Finny.” Felix’s mom said reassuringly. “Looks like I’ve got some papers to fill out.” Confused, Finn wandered away. How had she not recognized him? It had been nine years, but there weren’t that many Mercers around… his hair! That had to be it! Well, it was only a minor setback. There was still no way he was going to be enrolled.

“What do they even need on those forms anyway?” He wondered out loud. Finding out seemed completely preferable to doing any of the activity stations, so he pretended to be looking at a shelf of books while trying to eavesdrop.

Finn quickly realized the flaw in his plan. The room was full of kids and parents, so overhearing what Felix’s mom was saying to Mrs. Simmons was almost impossible. They seemed to be chatting back and forth and Finn realized that there wasn’t a computer or anything, so how would they check the system for duplicate students? It must just go to the office or something.

I have to hear what she’s saying, he thought, curiosity getting the better of him. He casually strolled around the room, slowly making his way to the other side of the table.

“-quite the tantrum yesterday, not to mention he seems to be forgetting words in quite a few sentences. He’s very verbose most of the time, but sometimes it seems like he’s completely forgotten sentence structure.” What was she talking about?

“What about sleep?”

“He sleeps through the night. I watched him a few times over the summer and we did naps then, but the last few days, I’ve tried to wean him off of them since kindergarteners don’t take naps.”

“Right.”

“So there’s the adjustment of his parents being away and the lack of naps, but I just can’t help feeling like he’s still struggling with regulating his emotions.”

“Every kid’s different. What do his tantrums look like?”

“Crying, yelling. He hasn’t been violent that I know of, but he does seem to think that if he asks for something more loudly, I’ll give it to him.”

“It’s a difficult situation, especially with his parents being away until when?”

“December.” Mrs. Simmons nodded and, turning, saw Finn.

“Finny, aren’t you exploring?”

“Uh.”

“None of the activity stations seemed interesting?”

“Well, there’s a lot of kids around them all.”

“Did you try asking if you could play?” Mrs. Simmons asked.

“No, but” the two women exchanged a look.

“Come here, Finny.” Felix’s mom took his hand and led him back over to the table. “Finny, how do you feel about kindergarten?” He looked at Mrs. Simmons. Hair or not, how did she not recognize him?

“How about we phrase it this way, Finny?” Mrs. Simmons said. “Do you want to come here every day? You’d still go home in the afternoon, but you’d be spending the day here, playing and learning-”

“I know what kindergarten is.” Finn replied.

“He’s very smart.” Felix’s mom said. “He just needs to work on the social side of things.”

“I do not!” Mrs. Simmons nodded and handed a brochure to Felix’s mom. “What’s that?” He asked. Something felt off.

“Let’s go, Finny.” Felix’s mom took his hand and led him away.

“What was all that?” Finn asked. Felix’s mom gave his hand a squeeze, but even she seemed unsure about something.

They returned to the car, Finn growing more and more confused. Did this mean he was getting out of kindergarten?

Finally, with Finn buckled in, she looked him over and adjusted his bow tie. Well, if she wasn’t going to start, he would.

“I don’t want to go to kindergarten.”

“You’re not going to, Finny.” She said. He grinned, but then she added. “Not this year at least.”

“What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

~ F ~ 

“Can’t believe Jaycen’s dad wouldn’t let us borrow the clippers.” Nate said, walking along as Felix tried to balance on the edge of the sidewalk. “You’re gonna fall and get hit by a car.”

“Well, you shoulda told him what for.”

“And have him call your mom?”

“It’s suspicious otherwise.”

“He was suspicious of you. He still thinks you wanted to burn down his tool shed, remember?”

“I was just talking about it as an experiment.” Felix wobbled and his foot landed in the gutter. “And what could I really do with some clippers other than cut hair?” Nate shrugged but he could not help but feel Jaycen’s dad might have been right to be wary about Felix.

“What are we supposed to do now?”

“About what?”

“Finn’s hair. He’s my brother and I… he can’t go to high school with that hair!” Felix shrugged.

“He’s the one who should just tell my mom that he’s not a baby.” Nate sighed.

“Well, we… maybe we coulda done more for him.”

“It’s Saturday. School starts day after tomorrow. She’ll figure it out, then he can get his hair fixed or whatever.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right.” Nate shrugged it off. “Race you inside!”

Felix and Nate came bursting through the door and into an unexpected scene. Finn stood in the middle of the living room, sniffling slightly in shorts and a white polo.

“Is that…” Nate asked, immediately recognizing the uniform. “Are you…”

“She’s making me” was all Finn got out before bursting into tears.

“Making him what?” Felix asked.

“Hello, boys.” Felix’s mom said, walking in. “Oh, Finny. What’s wrong?” She looked accusingly at Felix and Nate.

“I… I… I don’t wanna!”

“Shh, shh.” She said, rubbing his back. “It’s not until Monday and, remember, it’s just for during the day.”

“That’s not what I mean!” Finn wailed.

“What’s going on?” Felix asked.

“Well, I took him to Kindergarten Round-Up yesterday.” Felix’s mom said.

“You did?” Nate asked in surprise.

“That’s where he’s supposed to go, right? He keeps talking about Midtown and it was at Midtown. Well, turns out, he’s not quite ready, so I signed him up to do High Five at Growing Minds.”

“And have you talked to my parents about this?”

“There’s a big storm apparently, so calls aren’t getting through. Might be days or something.” Finn wailed louder. “But I'm sure mommy and daddy are fine!” She said.

“So wait.” Felix whispered to Nate. “Does that mean Finny’s in daycare?”

“Preschool.”

“Kindergarten prep.” Felix’s mother said pointedly.

“Yeah, it’s preschool.” Nate confirmed soto voce. Felix snorted.

“I’m s’posed to… to… be in high school!” Finn bawled. His cries were so loud, neither he nor Felix’s mom noticed as first Felix, then Nate, began to laugh.

~ F ~

Finn held out hope that somehow, everything would go back to normal even as Felix’s mom parked at Growing Minds. It certainly felt like a bad dream as he held her hand and walked inside, almost wishing he had managed to persuade her to let him wear the Baby Shark undies he had hated so much just a few days ago. They were better than the Pull-ups he wore ‘just in case’.

“Good morning! Finny’s here for his first day.”

“Morning!” The woman wore a pink t-shirt with a big name tag that identified her as Miss Stacy. “Uh, Finny’s not three, is he?”

“No!” Finn said indignantly.

“Oh, I could’ve sworn it was lamby white for the older kids.” Felix’s mom said.

“Lamby white for the little guys, duckling yellow for the big kids.” Miss Stacy explained with the tone of someone who did not mind explaining, but had done so countless times. “Not to worry. Mr. Greg will take care of you, Finny!”

“Do I really have to stay here?” Finn asked. There was no point mentioning high school now. First bell had rang twenty-five minutes ago and he was standing in a preschool on the other side of town. Felix’s mom kneeled down and gave him a big hug.

“You’ll have fun. I promise.” She said. “Go on with Mr. Greg. He looks nice, don’t you think?” Unsure of what else to do, Finn checked if there was any hope of making a run for the day before following Mr. Greg into a side room. Judging by the changing table, this is where the kids in diapers got changed. This was not even remotely Midtown High.

“Arms up, Finny! We’ve gotta get you in the right uniform.”

“I can do it myself.” Finn said, pulling the shirt over his head, though it got stuck.

“Oops, gotta do these buttons first. Polos can be tricky.” Mr. Greg got the shirt off of him. “I see your Pull-ups.” He said in teasing sing-song. “That’s ok. Part of High Five is becoming a potty pro. Do you wanna be a potty pro, Finny?”

“I already am. I was potty trained like” he gagged slightly as the duckling yellow shirt came down and ended up in his mouth on its way down his torso. The white polo, other than its Growing Minds logo, had reminded him of the sort of thing his uncle wore on the golf course. Duckling yellow was a soft, pale shade that seemed to only exist in baby clothes. “This is really the big kid shirt?”

“It is.” Mr Greg traced an X across his chest. “Now, c’mon. You can do free play until circle time where we’ll go over everything you’ll need to know about preschool!” He led Finn back out to the main room. Finn had missed it on the way in, but right next to the side room’s door was a wall of photos under the heading ‘Our students are a garden’. Each flower had the photo of one of the kids in it. Finn spied his third from the left, blonde bowl, the smile Felix’s mom had tickled out of him, and all. Shuddering, Finn looked toward the check-in table and then out into the parking lot. Felix’s mom was gone. Finn was in preschool.