The Baby Game: Suit Up!

The wedding is fast approaching and the time has come to get their suits. But what will the ringbearer wear? And will Alex even be the ringbearer?


“Ma- mom, I've got it!” After weeks of careful negotiations – and even a little begging – Alex was still the ringbearer. Now he had a perfect plan: present Mom with an alternative in the form of his cousin.

“This better not be another attempt to ruin my wedding.” Mom teased. “Aren't you supposed to be getting ready anyway?”

“I’m ready.” Alex said dismissively. “Why can't Lucas be the ringbearer? He's seven.” She sighed.

“One, I'm not even sure his family is coming. They live half a continent away, you know. Two, I made my choice and that choice is my son.” She pulled him in as he groaned and kissed the top of his head. “Besides, you're much more responsible than he would be. Lucas the ringbearer would lose the rings. Lexie the ringbearer will make the day perfect.’

“Well, Mark has a cousin. He's named Alex too.”

“Go get ready for baseball.” She gave his bottom a swat to tell him the conversation was over and he was still the ringbearer.

“It's not even really baseball.” Alex muttered as he climbed into the backseat of the car. Mark's dad had insisted that Alex should have some sort of sport he was a part of and somehow, the only team he had found was the Lil Legends, a teeball team. Alex had sought commiseration in Mark, who had shown him that there wasn't an age limit for the team, though the speed at which he found the team website all but proved that he was behind it.

“Ready to give it your all, Lexie?”

“Yes, Dada.” He forced a meek smile at Mark's dad smiling from the driver's seat before grabbing his baseball mitt. Mark's was a dark brown that seemed to Alex to be serious baseball gear. His was bright red and blue and though he had examined it thoroughly and found no proof, he suspected it was Spidey and His Amazing Friends themed.

“Good hustle, Lexie!” Alex raised his mitt in an approximation of a wave. He did like when he made Mark's dad proud, but praise for only almost beating a kid probably ten years younger than him to a ball the coach all but rolled gently to them was not his favorite type. This is hardly even the same sport as baseball, Alex thought, but everyone in the family called it baseball as if he and Mark were playing in the same league, just different teams.

“My batting average is probably better than yours.” Alex had told Mark once, trying to play along. Mark, like always, laughed and called him a silly little boy.

With teeball over, Alex wanted nothing more than to go home, but he was in the backseat, not behind the wheel, so he went wherever the car went. He rolled his eyes as the car pulled into the driveway and he saw Mark peeking out the window.

“The invitations came from the printer, you know.”

“I know.” Alex replied. “Mom showed me.” He really did not care much about the wedding invitations beyond a sense of relief that his role wasn't mentioned anywhere on them. His car door opened. Somehow, in those few seconds, Mark had come out of the house and had opened Alex's door.

“Baby Lexie! Did you have fun at teeball?”

“He hustled!”

“Oh, wow!” Mark said in mock amazement. He picked Alex up, hugging him to his chest to muffle his irritated comments about teeball. He rubbed his back as they headed inside. “You must be ready to hit the showers after your practice, huh?”

“It's teeball.” Alex said derisively. “I didn't even sweat.”

“Now, Baby Lexie. Team sports are about more than getting all sweaty.” He kissed Alex's cheeks with what felt like every step until they were inside and Mark got to work stripping Alex down. “And really, you didn't get sweaty anywhere? Dad said you hustled!”

“It's teeball.”

“I hope you're not calling Dada a liar, Baby Lexie.” Mark gasped and grabbed a card from the table. “I almost forgot! Baby Lexie Little!” He held up the invitation. “That's so cute.”

“Your last name's not much better.” Alex muttered.

“Mark Darling has nothing on Baby Lexie Little.” Mark said.

“It's Alexander Little.” Alex muttered.

“They really should have put you on the save the dates or something.” Mark snickered. “Baby Lexie requests the honor of your presence…”

“It would've been both of you.” Dad said, coming in. “Mark and Lexie does have a nice ring to it.”

“Oh, well. I like the invitations. Don't you, Baby Lexie?’

“Yeah.” Alex said. Most of the questions to him seemed to be rhetorical.

“And if the invitations are going out, what do you think that means?”

“Dunno.”

“Come on, guess.” Mark chuckled, more than happy to keep his little brother sitting there in nothing but his undies. It was a clue, in a way.

Alex searched his memory. Mom had been talking about something earlier today, but he had tuned her out as revenge for calling him Lexie instead of his name. She had told him something, but what? Finally, he shrugged.

“Don't know.”

“We need to go get our suits!” Mark said. “Good thing you've got me to remember for you!”

“Is that today?”

“Nope. Not until Saturday.”

* L *

Bright and early Saturday morning, Alex came thumping down the stairs, still rubbing sleep from his eyes. Mom's surprise was written all across her face.

“You're up early.”

“Uh, yeah. I'm… excited.” Alex winced. He didn't know how to tell her he was terrified of Mark getting there while he was still in bed. Even now, he wanted to be done with breakfast before he got there.

“There's nothing wrong with liking to dress up.” Mom said. “Though some of those things Mark has you wear…” her voice trailed off, her smile making it unclear if she approved or not.

Alex poured himself a bowl of cereal and began to eat, watching Mom closely even as he tried to act natural. She usually let him feed himself, but with Mark being mentioned, he was a little worried she might try to intervene.

“I think Mark should be here soon.” She remarked, looking at her phone on the counter. I thought I had more time! Alex immediately began to shovel cereal into his mouth. “Alex!” She exclaimed as he coughed sharply, some cereal trying to go down the wrong pipe. “This is why we don't think you should be feeding yourself, Lexie.” She said gently, taking the spoon from him and noticed the dribbles of milk on the table. “That and the mess.”

“I coughed that up.” He muttered.

“Mm.”

With her help, he had finished eating by the time Mark arrived. He hoped he was disappointed that Alex was totally ready to go, but still found himself in Mark's arms, getting peppered with both questions and kisses.

“Baby Lexie! You got dressed all by yourself?”

“Stop!” Alex whined as Mark pulled on the waistband of his shorts to see his underwear.

“What about breakfast?”

“Already ate.”

“Wow!” Mark exclaimed. “Good on Mama!”

“I fed myself.”

“He tried.” Mom added, smiling as Mark kissed Alex again and again.

“So responsible! No wonder why Mama and Dada are trusting you with the rings!” He chuckled and bounced Alex in his arms. “Speaking of, we’d better get going. Dad’s waiting in the car.”

“Remember, both of you.” Mom called after them. “Navy blue and handsome.”

“Best we can do is adorable for you, Baby Lexie.” Mark whispered as if it was a secret between them. “I've got lots of ideas for your outfit.”

“I’m not wearing shoes!” Alex protested, squirming in Mark’s arms.

“I’ve got your clogs in the car.” Mark said. “Aren’t you lucky I think of these things?” Lucky wasn’t the word Alex would have used.

“Lexie!” Mom called. “You promised to take the garbage out, remember?” He groaned. Last night, he had wanted to play Capricorn, so he had swore up and down that he would take care of the trash the next morning.

“We always need to keep our promises.” Mark said, setting Alex down so he could trudge back to the kitchen and take the white garbage bag from his mom. Mark watched as Alex walked out of the house, nose wrinkled from the stench of the garbage. “What a big boy!” Mark praised as he picked Alex up. “We'd better go wash our hands.”

As Alex washed his hands in the bathroom, Mark continued to watch him.

“Such a big boy, washing his hands all by himself. Though I did have to remind you, didn't I?”

“Shut it.”

“Grouchy. You were up late last night, huh?”

“Not really.”

“Baby Lexie. I saw you on the server.” Alex rolled his eyes. “I won't tell on you, as long as you do something for me.” Mark picked him up and kissed both of his cheeks. “I'm gonna praise you for being a big boy in the car with Dad and I want you to correct me, nice and loud. No, I'm a silly little boy! Okay?”

“No.”

“Then I'm going to have to tell Mama you were naughty and playing games much too late last night.” Alex wanted to say that she didn't care, but he knew Mark knew the truth.

“Fine.”

* L *

“Quit touching me!” Alex pushed Mark away as they reached the mall parking lot. He almost wished Mark had sat up front rather than sliding in next to him and 'helping’ him with his seatbelt.

“You two, no fighting like brothers until you actually are brothers.” Mark's dad teased.

“And don't yell.” Mark added. “We don't want to distract the driver, do we?”

“Remember, boys, navy blue.” Mark's dad said, getting things back on topic.

“I know.” Mark groaned. “You told me this like ten times. Go to Suit Up, tell them your name and that you talked to-”

“James.”

“I know! You talked to James on Thursday and got it all set. I just need to get measured and they'll take care of the rest.” Alex listened, surprised how much more Mark seemed to know about the plan than he did.

“Looks like a busy day at the mall.” Mark seized the opportunity to lean in and whisper to Alex.

“Remember what we talked about, Baby Lexie.”

“I don't want to-”

“You better or I'm going to rent a stroller. Rolling up to get your big boy suit in a stroller? How embarrassing.”

“Fine.” He knew Mark would find some way to humiliate him, no matter what, but it still made sense to try to cut off his options when possible.

The car came to a stop right in front of the entrance. Dad turned around and looked at Mark and Alex before looking beyond them at the car behind them.

“Better hurry. That guy looks impatient.”

“Baby Lexie!” Mark exclaimed. “Where are your shoes?” Alex glared at him. Mark had been the one to refuse to let him grab his sneakers, plus he had been tickling his feet off and on for the entire trip. Funny how his loud laughs had not distracted the driver, but standing up for himself had. “Good thing I remembered your clogs, huh?” He poked Alex’s side. “Say it.”

“I’m glad you’re with me!” He said in a loud, performative voice. “I’d be scared to walk around the mall alone because I’m just a silly little boy.”

“Very sweet, but get a move on, Mark.”

“Out on this side.” Mark said, nodding his head toward his door as he unbuckled Alex’s seatbelt.

“They’re on the wrong feet!”

“We’re in a rush, but I promise, I’ll fix it.” Mark said, grabbing Alex’s hand and pulling him. “Say bye to Dad.” A squeeze of his hand was all Alex needed to translate it.

“Bye-bye, Dada.” Even though they were hurrying out, he knew Mark would make him say it again and again until he got it right.

“I’ll pick you two up in a few hours.”

“All on our own!” Mark said, kissing Alex’s cheek. “Are you excited?”

“Isn’t this just glorified clothes shopping?”

“Oh, no.” Mark went over to a bench and set Alex down to put his shoes on the right feet, unsure if the little guy still even remembered that they were allegedly on the wrong feet. “Basically, we’ll go into Suit Up! and I’ll give them my name, tell them who Dad talked to, and then they’ll make sure the suit fits.” Alex nodded. That didn’t sound so bad.

“Do they have my measurements already?” He asked. Were measurements even a thing they needed? He remembered hearing things about tailored suits, but were they doing those for the wedding? Mama’s dress had apparently taken all day, a day that he had spent – where else? – in Mark’s lap, growing increasingly frustrated that Bix Taj’cal was the character that Mark insisted he play since he had a baby skin.

“He coos like you, Baby Lexie!” He had said. “It’s super cute.”

“He’s trash!” Alex spat.

“Don’t get fussy.”

“OS to Baby Lexie!” In the present, Mark squeezed his cheeks. “You’re adorable, but we have an appointment, so up you come!” He lifted Alex up, spun him around, and then thankfully set him on the ground. “Ready?” Alex was ready, but Mark was now digging in a backpack he had not seen him grab.

“Are you?”

“Gotta be safe.”

“No!” Alex stared at the contraption in Mark’s hands.

"Now, Baby Lexie,"

"Do not call me that!" Alex grunted. "We're here to get our suits."

"And we need to be safe while we do it. Now, I know you like choices, so do you want to go the silly little boy route." Alex huffed, but he continued. "And wear your harness or are we feeling like a baby today and it's off to the bathroom for a diaper?" He saw the hint of a defiant spark in Alex's eye. "We're at a mall, I can and will buy you a whole pack of diapers if you don't behave." He patted his cheek. “So, are you a baby today?” Secretly, he looked forward to the day when Baby Lexie was a baby all the time, except maybe at school.

“No.” Alex knew Mark expected more. “I'm a silly little boy.” He mumbled.

“Right. And silly little boys might run off, so let's get your harness on lickety-split!”

Alex fumed as they walked through the mall. The bright green dinosaur backpack alone looked childish, but to have Mark holding the leash that was attached to it? He wondered how far he could get if he escaped. He could unbuckle the strap across his chest, shrug out of the backpack, and then what?

“Where are we even going?” Alex asked after what seemed like an entire lap of the mall.

“I thought you knew. That’s why you’re leading!” Alex groaned.

“I thought we had to be there at a certain-”

“Come here.” Mark pulled Alex over to him. “We’re looking for Suit Up!, so we need to find a sign with a big S. Do you remember what-”

“Yes!”

“S looks like?”

“It’s right there.” Alex said, pointing at a sign a short distance away.

“Oh, that’s Suit Up! Kid, that’s not where we’re – aha!” Seizing his opportunity, he picked Alex up to carry him. “I see it!”

“Put me down!”

“I know it’s not as stylish as a stroller, but I know where we’re going and you were just worrying that we’re lost.” Mark explained, already starting to walk.

“Hello there.” The man wore a suit as immaculately tailored as his hair, his salesman’s smile not even moving an inch as he saw Alex being carried by Mark. “What can I do for you?”

“My name’s Mark Darling, I need to try on my suit.” Alex snorted. Why was Mark talking like that, all deep and fake?

“Sounds good. Your bodyguard can wait outside.” He chuckled flatly as both boys stared at him blankly. For a second, Alex wondered if he was a robot. “I’m talking about you, buddy. I know you’re not really a bodyguard. I bet you’re a tough guy though, huh?”

“Oh, let’s get your harness off, Baby Lexie.” Mark unbuckled it and shoved it back in his backpack before grabbing Alex’s hand. “Now let’s follow the nice man.”

“Did someone call about this earlier?”

“Yeah, my dad did. Should be under Darling.” He held tightly to Alex’s hand, but neither Mark nor the salesman paid him much attention. Alex looked around the store, but was immediately bored. It was nothing but mirrors and racks of suits. Plus it smelled overpoweringly of cologne.

“Just gotta figure out where James put it. Oh, I’m Kerby, by the way. Kerby Farrell.”

“Oh, do you play first base?”

“Naw, my granddad was a fan and I got stuck with the junior.” Alex rolled his eyes as Kerby and Mark launched into spirited baseball talk as Kerby found his suit. “Alright, so now we’ll go back, I’ll put you in room 2, you’ll try it on, do the fashion walk, all that stuff.” His gaze moved back to Alex. “Are you gonna help him tie his tie, buddy?” Alex glared up at him.

“Baby Lexie, hope ‘bout you sit right over here?” Even though he worded it like a suggestion, Mark scooped Alex up and carried him over to the chair. “I don’t want you to go running off, so you need to sit right here, still as a statue, okie dokie?” Alex nodded. It was his turn next, so why would he run off? They needed suits and even Mark wasn’t crazy enough to sabotage the wedding! He’ll probably make me ride one of those baby rides after, Alex thought sullenly before he realized he really was left alone for the first time since… he couldn’t even think of another time when Mark had left him by himself!

He grinned, but when he saw his smile in one of the many mirrors, he immediately sobered. You’re not a little kid, dude. He reminded himself. But how to prove that, both to Mark and increasingly, to himself? What could he do though? He knew the mature thing was to patiently wait his turn. That was what these chairs were for, after all.

All the same, Alex felt himself sliding down in the chair over time. No one interesting was walking by and there wasn’t even anything interesting to explore in the store. It was just mirrors and suits, suits and mirrors. What was taking so long?

As his boredom grew more and more impossible to ignore, Alex swung his legs back and forth. As long as he sat all the way back and sat straight-backed, his feet cleared the floor. He was just getting a good rhythm going when he accidentally kicked one of his shoes off. They always did that! They fit fine; mom was always buying him shoes a size or so bigger so he could grow into them, but these might not have even been a half size too big. All the same, they flew off with the slightest kick. He got up, retrieved the wayward clog, and had a game in mind by the time he was back in the seat.
Alex kicked his shoe higher and higher, trying each time to beat his last record. He was certain he would be able to hit the ceiling with just the right kick. He wouldn’t admit it to Mark, but there was something extra fun about Spider-Man – the real Spider-Man – looking at him from the top of the foam clog as it tumbled through the air.

“Baby Lexie!” He froze, almost certain he audibly yelped as he heard Mark’s voice. “This is what I get for not leaving toys with you, huh?” As Mark came over, Alex felt ashamed that he had been caught playing such a childish game, especially since Mark wore a navy blue suit, a tie, and even freshly shined black dress shoes. He looked so mature while Alex was slouched down in the chair, leg sticking out, one shoe on the floor by him, the other a short distance away where it had landed. “Silly, silly little boy.” Alex stammered an explanation, but Mark only shook his head. “What do you think?”

“Looks good.” For a moment, he thought Mark would push him to say more, but he only smiled and, picking Alex up, kissed him over and over again.

“Missed you.”

“You too.”

“I could tell.” Mark ignored how insincere Alex had sounded. “I was gone for ten minutes and you were kicking your shoes everywhere!”

“It was longer than ten minutes.”

“But I look good, right? Handsome like a groomsman?” Alex nodded. “Perfect! Let me just get out of this and then you know what time it is.”

“My turn?”

“Yep!” Mark's grin unnerved him. “Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone. Sit right there, keep your shoes off, and count how many blue suits there are!” He had disappeared back into the changing area before Alex realized he had told him to keep his shoes off, not on.

“How many were there?” Mark asked when he returned a moment later.

“Why’s it smell funny in here?” Alex asked, not wanting to admit he had gotten into the thirties before deciding it was dumb.

“It’s sandalwood.” Mark said. “Right?”

“Sandalwood and leather, I think.” Kerby said as he tapped the screen of the POS unit. “Send the bill to this guy?” He asked, nodding to Alex, who Mark had set on the counter.

“Yep!” Mark chuckled, tucking Alex’s foam clogs into his backpack.

“We’re done?”

“Sure are. You were very patient.” Mark said.

“But what about me?”

“What about you?” Alex knew Mark would never give him a straight answer, so he looked at Kerby.

“I need a suit too.”

“Your brother mentioned.” Kerby said seriously. “He’ll be taking you to a specialist colleague of mine.”

“What’s that mean?” Alex asked desperately as Mark lifted him off the counter. “What’s that mean?”

“Shh, inside voice.” Mark patted Alex’s bottom as he carried him out of the store.

“Put me down!”

“You’re not wearing shoes.”

“Well, stop at that bench and then put them on – I’ll put them on.” Pressed against Mark’s chest, he felt and heard him chuckle.

“We’re almost there.” Alex swung his head over his shoulder and groaned. He should have known.

* L *

Suit Up! had seemed mature and sophisticated, nothing but mirrors, suits, and leather. Suit Up! Kid was brightly colored with larger than life photos of smiling boys in suits on the walls, not a single one looking older than eight or ten. The stark difference even carried over the salesperson who came hurrying over to them the moment Mark set the still bare-footed Alex down. She looked more like a kindergarten teacher in her long, comfortable skirt and blouse with a beach ball print.

“Well, hi there!” She bent over and in Alex’s face before he even knew what was happening. “What can we do for you, handsome?” He fought the urge to step back just to get Mark between him and her eager smile.

“I need a suit.” Alex said, trying to stay stone faced.

“Ah! What’s the occasion?”

“My mom’s wedding.” Alex said at the same time as Mark mouthed ‘ringbearer’. “I saw that!”

“Well, it’s true, isn’t it?” He said with a smile.

“Oh! Isn’t that exciting?”

“He’s taking it very seriously.” Mark said.

“Well, my name is Mallory and I bet we’ll find you the perfect outfit to boogie in!”

“Not outfit, suit.” Alex insisted.

“Oh, of course.” She nodded, eyes wide. Alex sighed.

“Let’s go, Mark.” He muttered, trying to walk past her.

“Very serious.” She smiled knowingly at Mark. “So, where should we start?”

“Be polite.” Mark said before Alex could bark ‘navy blue and handsome’ at her.

“A… navy blue suit please.” Alex said.

“Aha! Must be the theme.”

“He wants to look just like Dada.” Mark said with a chuckle. “Or is that Bubba?”

“Who’s Bubba?”

“We’ll talk about that later.” Mark whispered as Mallory dug into a rack of suits that looked mostly unobjectionable.

“Alright, why don’t we start here?” Alex felt a wave of relief wash over him. The suit she held up looked almost identical to Mark’s!

“Sure!” She smiled, noticing that he seemed much more enthusiastic all of a sudden. Mark, however, looked displeased as Alex disappeared into the changing room. Mallory seemed determined to make the experience a full-fledged production, knocking on the closed door.

“Do you want a drum roll before you come out… Oh, what’s his name?”

“Lexie.” Mark grinned.

“Oh, cute! Do you want me to do a drum roll before you come out, Lexie?”

“Uh, no.”

“Okie dokie, just let us know when you’re all ready!”

The one difference that Alex could find was Mark’s suit had a long tie. His came with a clip on bow tie stored in a little plastic packet inside the suit jacket. It wasn’t the end of the world, he thought. Maybe he would just keep it in his pocket.

“Ready?” Mallory said in sing-song through the door. He rolled his eyes. Why did they have to come to this weird place for his suit? It was barely even smaller than Mark’s! He gave himself one last look-over in the mirror, tossing his head to get his shaggy hair out of his eyes before giving his suit jacket a little tug like he had seen secret agents do in the movies. He liked how he looked.

“Ready.” He heard her tap out a drum roll on her lap as he opened the door.

“Ooh!” Mallory said, but he ignored her, going over to the three part mirror. “How handsome!” She followed him over. Alex noticed Mark's frown, but who cared what he thought? This was turning out so much better than he had thought. “Well, give it a test, Lexie!”

“Huh?”

“Weddings involve dancing. Bust a move!” She did the disco finger until Alex followed suit. “So, what are we thinking?”

“I like it.” Alex said. “It will fit with the rest of the wedding group.”

“Why would you want to look like everyone else?” Mark asked, slightly sullen. Mallory looked at him in surprise and then brightened again.

“Your big brother makes a good point, Lexie. The ringbearer should stand out!” She chuckled. “We'll definitely keep this one, but what's the fun of trying on just one outfit, right?”

“I really like this one.” Alex tried to keep his voice steady, but he knew he was fighting a losing battle. “Alright, I’ll try on one other one.”

“Perfect!” Mark plucked an outfit off a rack and Alex realized he had been looking while he was getting changed. “Let’s start with this one!” Alex looked at it on the hanger, not liking the shininess of the pants. His nose wrinkled when he saw the frills of the shirt. It was probably actually a blouse!

“This is for girls.”

“It’s a pageboy outfit.” Mallory said. “It’s what they call the ringbearer in other countries. How exotic!” Alex stared at her. Did she pound energy drinks when there weren’t customers?

“And it’s still navy blue.” Mark said. “Want me to help you?” Alex fumed, snatching the outfit from Mark. The shirt looked so delicate, he was amazed it didn’t tear right then and there. With my luck, we’d have to buy it then and get it fixed for me to wear to the wedding.

“Doubt I’ll like it more than this suit.”

“Try it anyway. Surprises are fun!” Mallory said cheerfully.

Once Alex got the suit off, he realized that the pageboy outfit didn’t even come with pants. At first he thought they were shorts, but they were too long for that, reaching down to his knees. He smiled as he realized that that worked well. They couldn’t get him an outfit where the pants were too short!

“What is this thing?” He held up a long slender piece of fabric that matched the pants. A tie? It seemed the wrong shape for that. A scarf?

“How’s it going in there?” Mallory’s sing-song came.

“Uh, almost ready.”

“Splendiferous!”

“Sure.” Alex muttered, deciding to just throw the whatever-it-was around his neck like a scarf. He knew it was wrong, but he refused to ask for help. After all, Mark was probably itching to come interfere. He grimaced at his reflection. “Whatever.” He told himself. This was just for fun, though he didn’t feel like he was having any. He would make sure they got the suit, he promised himself right then and there.

He opened the door and Mallory gasped. At first he thought it was because he hadn’t let her do another annoying drumroll, but then he remembered his dorky outfit. He shuffled over to the three-panel mirror, grimacing as the lace collar brushed under his chin every time he moved his head.

“That's not a scarf, Baby Lexie.” Mark said with a chuckle. Sure, he didn't know what it was either, but he knew it wasn't a scarf. “Silly little boy.”

“That is silly!” Mallory said, taking the sash off his neck. “Let's get you properly dressed. We all need help sometimes, don't we?” She wrapped the sash around his waist.

“Is it a cumberbund?” Mark asked.

“What's a cumberbund?”

“It's fancy.” Mallory said. That was not an answer, but Mallory insisted on making him do a whole verse of the Hokey Pokey rather than providing any more information. He decided a cumberbund was dumb, whatever it was.

“Can I take this off now?” He asked.

“So, not your favorite?”

“No.” Alex grunted.

“Second favorite it is.” He looked at her, confused. “Well, you’ve only tried on the two so far.”

“Nothing’s going to beat the regular suit.” He said, hoping Mallory would see reason. He saw the outfit in Mark’s hands. “Don’t we need to get going?” He asked nervously.

“We’ve got plenty of time, Baby Lexie.” He took his hand. “This one’s a two person job.” He declared, though Alex wasn’t sure if he was talking to him or Mallory.

“I am not wearing that!” He said again and again, but each time, it fell on deaf ears. “I’m not!” The door closed and it was just him and Mark in the changing room.

“It won’t fit me, Baby Lexie.” He teased.

“It might.” Why was there even such a babyish sailor suit in his size? “I’m really not that much shorter than you!”

“You give off a little vibe. I mean, wearing your cumberbund as a scarf?” He snickered. “Now Mallory knows you’re a silly little boy who belongs here.”

“You didn’t know what it was either.” Mark tutted and, sitting down on the little bench, pulled Alex toward him.

“Undress or tickles?”

“Let’s get this over with.” Alex felt around his waist for any way to undo the sash. Mark watched him for a moment before grabbing his face in both his hands.

“We’ve got important business, don’t we, Baby Lexie?”

“Yes, let me go.” He mumbled. Why did he spend so much time with his face squished whenever Mark was around?

“Shh. Remember Bubba?”

“No.” He knew Bubba was a name, so did Mark have some uncle he was going to meet at the wedding? A cheek pincher, maybe? Probably noogies, Alex thought.

“Well,” Mark seemed unsure how to explain. “Y'know how there's Mama and Dada?”

“Yes.”

“Bubba's like that. It's what you'll call me.”

“Why?”

“Bubba sounds kinda like brother, don't you think?” Alex considered it. He could see what Mark meant, but it didn't make any sense.

“Or I could just call you Mark. Y'know, your name?”

“Now, Baby Lexie-”

“And you can call me mine.”

“Baby Lexie is your name.” Mark said firmly. “And mine's Bubba, at least as far as you're concerned.”

“It's dumb.”

“But it'll make me happy.”

“What about me?”

“You're saying the thought of calling me Bubba stops you from being happy?”

“Well, no, but-”

“Then you'll do it.” Mark said with a nod. “Now, let's get moving before Mallory sends Spidey and all his friends to find us!”

“I can do it myself!” Alex protested as Mark set to undressing him.

“We need to be careful. These aren't our clothes. You tear it, you buy it!”

Alex was soon in nothing but his underwear. It wasn't Mark's favorite pair of Bunnydales, but they were still baby blue with the Bunnydale logo emblazoned across Alex's backside. With Alex facing him, he could only see it in the mirror on the back of the changing room door.

“Baby Lexie's bunny unnies.” He murmured to himself.

“I used to wear boxers.”

“I remember.” Mark replied. “You know why?” Alex knew it would be yet another callback to the restaurant where they had first met. “Cuz you somehow got ketchup on them that night we met each other.” He chuckled. “But these bunny undies?” He corrected himself. “Bunny unnies. You keep them so pristine and clean, you must love them!”

“No.”

“Or maybe it's because you don't try to feed yourself anymore.” Mark said. “What are you supposed to do if I'm not around to feed you?”

“Ask Mama or Dada.” Alex recited, rolling his eyes.

“And what if Mama or Dada isn't around?”

“I need to find Mama, Dada, or you cuz I shouldn't be away from a grown-up.”

“Never ever.” He snapped Alex's waistband. “You know my favorite thing about your bunny unnies?”

“What?” Mark lifted his shirt to show his own waistband.

“See? Mine says Hanes, yours says Bunnydale.”

“So?”

“So someone might think it's a fashion brand. Bunnydalay or something.”

“It's a baby show.”

“Right, of course. Baby Lexie wears undies for baby shows because he's still a silly little boy.” He leaned forward and kissed the top of Alex's head. “You sure smell like a silly little boy.”

“Do not!” Alex fought the urge to ask what little boys even smelled like. Probably farts.

“Wanna give me some fun little bunny hops?” Alex only grunted. Mark smiled, happy that he was growing more and more fluent in his little noises by the day. “Ok, let's get you dressed.”

Mallory walked over to the changing room door, smiling to herself about how it never failed: every time someone went in to 'help', getting dressed inevitably took longer. Sure enough, when she got close enough, she could hear the all-too familiar little ‘don't want to’ whines that she and her coworkers often joked about. It was what she loved about working at a boy's dress clothes store.

“I'm doing a drumroll!”

“That's my cue.” She murmured to herself as she came over by the door.

“Fine. I'll carry you then.”

“Or maybe that is.” The drumroll did not come, but a little sailor did in the arms of his big brother, pouting at the grave injustice of being carried.

“This'll be your number one favorite. No cap.” Mark said, setting Alex down just outside the view of the three-part mirror. “Go on, strut your stuff, little guy.” He took a step back, the better to see the Bunnydale logo showing through the thin white material of Alex's sailor shorts.

“No,” Alex said, looking away from the mirror. “I want this off.”

“Hold on now.” Mallory said. “We've gotta test it out. Looks aren't ev- looks aren't the only important thing. Besides, you look adorable.”

“Handsome.” Mark added.

“I look like a total-” Alex didn't even want to say what he looked like.

“It's got navy blue.” Mark said diplomatically. “But maybe too much white?” Alex grunted and Mark kneeled down in front of him. Since Alex was standing on the raised platform in front of the three-part mirror, he had to look up at him, but it still felt like the right thing to do. “And you know who wears white, right?” Alex shrugged. “Come on, Baby Lexie. It's the most important part of a wedding.” He playfully poked his tummy, even that slight tickle enough to draw out the shadow of a smile from his outraged pout. “Here comes the who? All dressed in white?”

“Bride.”

“That's right. And who's the bride for our wedding?”

“It's not our wedding.” Mark sighed in acknowledgement. He had him there.

“Right. Whose is it?”

“Our parents’.”

“And aren't you excited for Mama and Dada?” Alex nodded. He just wished someone would consider what it meant for him. “Then we have to make sure you look your absolute best, don't we?”

“It's not this though.” Mark nodded, chewing slightly on his bottom lip as if he was weighing a great many options. Alex was worried he was going to force him to wear this horrible, awful, terrible sailor suit all the way until Mark nodded.

“This is a lot of navy, but not much blue, isn't it?” He laughed. “Guess I'm silly too, huh?” Alex felt relief wash over him. “We'll find you something else. After you put it through its paces.”

Alex assumed that that meant dancing, but that was only the beginning. After Mallory made Alex do the Chicken Dance, Mark took him by the hand and walked leisurely around the store.

"I already know what I want."

"Yes, but we're going to do this democratically." Mark explained. "And I'll know what I want when I see it." Alex sighed. How could it get any worse than the sailor suit? He knew Mark would find it, whatever it was.

"It's all the same." Alex remarked as Mark pretended to examine a rack of vests. "You've seen one suit, you've seen them all."

"Says the silly little boy in the silly little sailor suit."

"The wedding's not on a cruise ship."

"You're right, but it is distinctive, isn't it?" Alex shrugged. "Remember? We agreed that the ringbearer should stick out." Alex had agreed to no such thing, but Mallory suddenly gasped and came over. She leaned in to whisper something in Mark’s ear, but the store was quiet enough and she wasn't really whispering, so Alex heard every word.

"What!?" He spun around in a circle, looking for all the world like a puppy chasing his tail as he confirmed what Mallory had said: his underwear was totally showing through the shorts! "Why didn't you tell me?"

"We didn't see it until now." Mallory said. "It's an honest oopsie."

"Don't worry, Baby Lexie." Mark said. "I've got your next outfit right here." He held up a vest and shorts set that Alex eyed warily. What was the catch? It looked normal enough

Alex still couldn't figure out what was so special about the outfit as Mark undressed him and had him step into the navy blue shorts. They looked a lot like the suit pants for what he had started to think of as his suit.

"Think of this as a compromise." Mark said softly as he buttoned the navy blue vest over Alex's white shirt.

"Compromise?"

"Well, think of it as being lucky."

"What do you mean?"

"Summer wedding. It'll be hot in a whole suit. You'll get shorts."

"I-" Alex's brow furrowed as he tried to think. How does Mark do it? How does he make orders sound like suggestions? "I thought we decided the suit was number one."

"We did." Mark allowed. Alex smiled in spite of himself. It worked! "But" his voice trailed off. "A suit jacket would probably make it look like a school uniform." He muttered to himself, turning Alex by his shoulders. "Hmm."

"What?" Alex felt familiar irritation starting to boil in him.

"Look! A little pocket in your vest to keep the rings in." Mark stood up and shepherded Alex out to the mirrors.

"Oh, I think this is the one!" Mallory gushed.

"I agree." Mark said with a chuckle.

"What dance haven't we done yet?" Mallory said, looking adoringly at Alex. "Hokey Pokey, chicken dance, oh!" She began to hum an unfamiliar song and Alex rolled his eyes.

"It's the bunny hop!" Mark said with delight.

"Hop! Hop! Hop!" Mallory declared. Alex half-heartedly obeyed, though his chubby cheeks still bounced enough to make both Mallory and Mark coo. "What a handsome ringbearer!" Mallory said. Mark picked up Alex, pushing his face into his chest to stop the protests.

"I think it's perfect." He said, twirling the hair on the back of Alex's head with his fingers. "Though the shorts look a bit like culottes, don't they?"

"We can discuss alterations." Alex finally got to pull his head away from Mark.

"I want to wear the suit!" He protested.

"Shh, Baby Lexie." Mark said, patting his bottom. "You go get changed and I'll get things squared away."

When Alex emerged back in his regular clothes, he figured they were done. He never expected to end up back in front of the mirrors as Mallory took what felt like a thousand measurements.

"We've gotta make sure your clothes fit!" She explained. "If it's too small, what would you do?" Alex only shrugged.

"That's finally done." Mark said as they left the store. "Now we can have some food!"

"What did you actually get me?" Alex asked as they walked.

"What do you mean?"

"What... what am I going to wear?"

"That last outfit. The rest was just for fun." Mark said, curious if Alex even realized how many photos he had gotten of him. "How 'bout pretzels?"

Mark got a cup of pretzel bites and, though Alex did not like the cheese sauce that came with them, Mark continued to dip the bites in it before pushing it into Alex's mouth.

“Ew! Stop! Mark, stop!” Alex protested between mouthfuls. He did not want to spit them out, but the cheese tasted like plastic. “Stop! Bubba!” Mark kissed the top of his head.

“Didn't realize you were talking to me, Baby Lexie.” He explained. “Lots of Marks at the mall today, I bet.”

“It's context.” Alex mumbled around yet another mouthful of pretzel, mercifully free of cheese. “When's our ride coming?”

“Ask me right.”

“When's… Dada coming?”

“Well, Baby Lexie. We've still got an errand or two to do.”

“What?” Mark pushed a pretzel into Alex's mouth.

“Y'know, we need to work on you introducing yourself. Mallory was all over you, so you really should've told her your name.”

“Why?”

“It's polite, little boy.” He chewed pensively. “You'll need to introduce yourself to people at the wedding after all.” He took Alex off his lap and set him on the table. “Let's practice.” He took Alex's hand in his own. “Hello, I'm Bubba. Who are you?”

“Alex Little.” Alex said at once. Mark snorted.

“Right, I forgot. That's gonna be fun.” He kissed Alex's cheek. “Baby Lexie Little, the silly little boy. Almost a tongue twister!”

“Darling's not much better.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He laughed. “Maybe Mom and Dad'll change it. Married couples do that sometimes.”

“To what?”

“Klanzuku!” His heart melted a little as Alex's face lit up.

“Did you see OSTransmissions's new video?” Capricorn talk kept Alex occupied as Mark carried him to the bathroom just off the food court, their next step in sight at the end of the corridor.

“I still don't think they're gonna drop the new skins and arena for free, no matter what he thinks he thought he heard at the announcement.” Alex was so distracted, he didn't even notice that Mark was taking his shirt off until it interfered with his steady stream of excited chatter.

“What are you doing?”

“Cleaning you up.” Mark said, pushing Alex onto his back on the broad counter to slide his pants down his legs. “I haven't gotten to give you a bath in so long!”

“It was last weekend.” Alex protested, still not totally over being bathed in the big kitchen sink.

“But you need to take baths more often than just once a week, Baby Lexie!”

“Not in the mall bathroom!”

"I'm leaving your bunny unnies on. And there's a reason we went into the family restroom." Pushing Alex's shoes aside in his bag, he pulled out a big package of baby wipes. "Hold still!" He knew there was no chance of Alex holding still, but he actually preferred bathing a squirming little boy. It felt more authentic! If I wanted to bathe someone who stayed still, I'd buy a baby doll. Mark thought. Alex was much more fun than a doll though.

"Aren't we done yet?"

"Nope." Mark said, tossing a large handful of baby wipes into the garbage. "We gotta get you dressed first!"

* L *

"This isn't the way to da- to the car!" Alex protested as Mark carried him down the busy mall corridor. Everyone could see him being carried and Mark, loving that fact, was clearly taking the scenic route.

"So worried!" Mark said. "We've gotta do one last thing first."

"What?"

"We got our navy blue, right?" Alex nodded and Mark brushed his hair out of his face. "So now we gotta get handsome. And looking less like a feral wild boy." Alex groaned as he looked ahead and saw the unmistakable sign of Funky Monkey.

"You are not taking me to Funky Monkey."

"They put the fun in haircuts!" Mark said. "But, since we both need haircuts, we're actually going to the other place." He turned Alex's chin toward a perfectly normal salon.

"Hello!" The stylist at the front counter said, smiling at Alex. Alex reflexively squirmed until Mark put him down though the cold tile on his bare feet almost made him regret it. "What can I help you two young men with?" Alex felt Mark nudge him.

"We need haircuts." He knew that wasn't what Mark wanted, but it was what they needed to do. How could he get in trouble for staying on task?

"What are we thinking?" The question was directed at Mark, who already had his phone out.

"For him, we're gonna do this!" Alex craned his neck, but he couldn't see the photo Mark showed her.

"Oh, how cute! But his hair looks like that already."

"Oh, sorry, that was from Baby Lexie trying on ringbearer outfits." Mark swiped to the next photo, giving Alex a glimpse of a toddler with a bowl cut! "This is what we're doing for him."

"Absolutely not!" Alex said. "That's... no!"

"Uh-oh!" She came around the counter and knelt down. "Don't worry, Lexie. I'll make sure you look perfect for the big day." She looked up at Mark. "Sonya'll take you at chair three. Me and Lexie will be right behind you." She smiled and whispered to Alex. "How 'bout you tell me what you want your hair to be like?" Alex's momentary relief was quickly replaced by panic. He didn't know what he wanted!

"Um, I need it cleaned up. Mama says it's too shaggy." His panic grew. Had he just said Mama or Mom? It had to have been mom, right?

“Do you like it short? Medium? Looks like it's been a while, huh?” She reached out and played with his hair.

“Uh, medium, but like the shorter side of medium.”

"Alright, how about we do a trim and kinda tame it?" She continued to play with his hair. "Get it out of your eyes, hmm? You have very nice hair, Lexie."

"It's Alex." She gave no indication of having heard him, picking him up and carrying him over to the salon chair.

"Where are your shoes?" She asked, grabbing one of his feet with her manicured hand.

"He took 'em." Alex grunted. She nodded as if she had expected to hear that.

"Looks like this one's all ready for you, Lexie!" She said enthusiastically. He didn't know what made it different from any others until his bottom came into contact with the booster seat sitting on it. "Right next to big brother, huh?" Alex looked over at Mark, who waved a hand covered by the black salon cape. "Now, we know what we're doing with your hair, Lexie, but you've got another important decision to make. Dinos or racecars?"

"For what?"

"Oh, I think the dinos are in the wash." The blonde woman combing Mark's hair said.

"Racecars it is then!" A brightly colored salon cape came across Alex's body. Rather than racecars, it looked more like monster trucks, all being driven by smiling cartoon animals.

"Why can't I have a normal one?"

"This is so much more fun!" She said. "Now, can you sit still for your haircut?"

"Yes." Alex muttered.

"So serious." She cooed, combing Alex's hair. "You'll be so happy once you're done, I bet." You have no idea, Alex thought grumpily. "What's your favorite color?"

"Huh?"

"What's your favorite color? Everyone has one."

"Uh, green?" She smiled as if he had told her a great secret.

As she worked, Alex felt a growing sense of unease. No, it couldn't be, he thought. Haircuts just always kind of looked weird when you were in the middle of them. She couldn't be!

"No!" Alex exclaimed when he could no longer deny the obvious. "I don't want a bowl cut!"

"Baby Lexie!" Mark scolded.

"You did this!" Alex felt tears welling up in his eyes as the stylist, no stranger to tantrums, continued to work. What could he do? It was so obviously a bowl cut and they couldn't glue the hair back on. Maybe Mom would let him shave it. "Couldn't we do like a crew cut?" He asked meekly.

"Your hair's much too nice to make it that short." The stylist said. "I'm a pro. I promise you'll look good!"

As soon as Mark finished, he was hovering right by Alex. Rubbing it in, Alex thought angrily. Mark's hair was short and clean, making him look older while Alex's hair was now almost a mushroom.

"Smile, Baby Lexie!" Mark said. Alex scowled, but his colorful cape with his bare feet peeking out and his babyish hairstyle only made it clear that this was a pouting little boy.

"Alrighty, big brother. He's all set." She whisked the cape off of Alex, brushing a bit of hair from his cheek. Mark swooped in and spun him around and around.

"Told you you'd end up adorable." He cooed, kissing Alex's cheek.

“This isn't fair! I… don't like it.” He knew better than to yell, but he didn’t like how wimpy he sounded all but whispering to Mark.

“New haircuts always take a bit to get used to.” Mark said. “I think you look perfect.”

“For being such a good boy,” Startled, Alex turned and saw the stylist coming toward him with a green balloon. “You get a balloon!”

“No thanks.” Alex said, even as she tied it around his wrist. Alex tried to untie it while Mark paid, but it was no use. It was stuck on his wrist as they left the salon.

"I can't believe you did this!"

"Think of it like playing the baby game."

"This isn't a game! My hair is actually like this!"

"Not my fault this is just what silly little boys' hair is supposed to look like." He chuckled as Alex glared. "It'll grow back. Besides, you got a balloon. I didn't." He looked back at the salon. "She didn't even offer me one."

"Mark!" Mark ignored him and shrugged away his disappointment.

"We'd better get going. You were so worried about Dada just a little bit ago, Baby Lexie!" Mark patted his cheek. "I bet he's gonna love our new 'dos."

* L *

Much as Alex hated to admit that a routine was developing, the evening unfolded exactly how he would have expected. Mark stripped him of everything except his shirt and underwear as soon as they got to Mark's house. Alex played with toys in the living room until it came time to be fed dinner in Mark's lap, their parents chatting cheerfully as if they all already were a happy family with Alex as the youngest member. But I'm older than Mark! He insisted as he returned to the toys in the living room following a dessert of mint chip ice cream. Mark watched as Alex loaded Spidey into a helicopter and pretended to make it fly. He would have preferred he stand up and run around the room, but at least it was getting off the floor. He had a perfect little boy bowl cut now, so Mark felt satisfied, even as he wondered if Alex had pieced together that the wedding was still far enough away that he would need at least a trim between now and then. Maybe they'll think it's ironic when we start school in the fall, Mark thought idly.

"You two look so handsome." Alex's mom said, sitting on the couch and kissing Mark's dad's cheek. Between his bowl cut and the somehow even more babyish Bunnydale briefs, Alex felt the exact opposite of handsome. He almost wanted to tell her that, but Mark gave his bottom a gentle swat to remind him of what he was supposed to say.

"I'm not handsome, mama. I'm adorable." It sounded rehearsed, but Mark knew that getting him into the habit was only the first step.

“Speaking of,” Mark said. “You should see some of the cute outfits Baby Lexie tried on today.” He got out his phone. “He even tried out some dance moves!” Alex focused on the toys, trying to block out the sounds of adoration coming from the couch. At least, he thought, I didn't get my hair cut before I tried on all that stuff. Wonder if Mama and Dada will let me wear a hat for the wedding?