The Baby Game: The Restaurant

“Alex,” Mom said, poking her head into the living room. “Please go get dressed. I put your clothes on your bed.”

“You gotta stop picking my clothes for me, mom.”

“If I let you choose, I'd be back from the restaurant before you even had pants on.” Alex snorted, but part of him knew mom was right. It was easier to have her set clothes out for him, but he still felt an obligation to complain loudly about it.

“I look like a dweeb!” He announced as soon as he was dressed. At least this time, it was a polo instead of a dorky sweater or something.

"It's a nice restaurant. Go brush your hair, shaggy.” He stomped toward the bathroom. “Besides, I'm sure Mark will be dressed the same." She called after him.

Mark was the primary reason Alex was so concerned about how he looked. Mark was his age, according to Mom, and the last thing he wanted was to look like a nerd or something in front of him. He sloppily brushed his hair and then returned to the living room for Mom’s inspection.

"You look handsome." She kissed the top of his head, as if to remind him that he was still waiting on that growth spurt Dr. Harwell had promised him. "Let's go. We don't want to be late."

They beat Mark and Mom's date to the restaurant. Is Mark my date? Alex wondered. It was odd for him to go with Mom on a date. Normally he stayed home with a babysitter. He wondered what it meant as they stood outside the restaurant.

"There they are." Mom said, touching Alex's head unnecessarily. Why did he bother to brush his hair if she was going to muss it up before they even got to the table? "Be polite."

"I know." Alex muttered, sizing up Mom's date -- and, more importantly, Mark.

He was tall for thirteen and had wide shoulders. Clearly he was not waiting on a growth spurt. His sweater seemed immediately more mature than Alex's polo. Alex abruptly felt self-conscious about sizing him up when he noticed Mark was doing the same thing.

Determined to show how mature he was, he walked up to Mom's date, extending his hand for a handshake.

"Hello, I'm Alex." He said, trying to sound mature.

"Nice to meet you, Alex." Mom's date said. So far, so good. Alex moved on to Mark, but instead of taking his outstretched hand, Mark scooped him up in a big bear hug!

“Sorry, I'm a hugger!” Mark said, planting a kiss on each of Alex's cheeks as Alex made a startled sound like a kitten's meek mew.

Mark was, in a word, thrilled. He had been nervous when Dad had told him that Alex was his age, but he had never dreamed that Alex was a chubby cheeked little cherub whose deodorant, cologne, whatever it was couldn't quite cover up his baby smell. He set Alex down with a chuckle. “Nice to meet you, Alex. I'm Mark.” He realized in that moment that he naturally thought of his cousin Alex whenever he heard that name. That Alex was tall and skinny, despite being only eleven. This Alex was small, chubby, and adorable. How could two Alexes be so different?

In all honesty, Alex – this Alex – wasn't super tiny, but the ten inch difference was noticeable at their age. He had picked him up mostly to confirm his suspicion that he could. Well, this would be very interesting.

“Let's head in.” Mark's dad suggested.

“Good, cuz I need to” Alex looked at Mom. “I need the restroom.” For a split second, Alex thought Mom would insist on going with him. She was always so nervous about public bathrooms, as if someone was going to carry him off.

“I should go too.” Mark said. Mom relaxed and Alex breathed a sigh of relief. “Whoops, boys’ room is on the right, Alex.” Mark said, reaching out and grabbing Alex's hand as he almost walked into the women's room.

“Oh, thought they were the opposite. I've been here before.”

“Mistakes happen.” Mark shrugged with a friendly smile.

The pair crossed the empty bathroom to the urinals. Mark took the lowest one, much to Alex's mild irritation. He could use any of them now, but he still would have gone up on his toes if he had been alone. I would've used the low one, actually. He thought.

“Do you even know how cute you are?” The question, though quiet, echoed in the empty space.

“What?”

“I know you heard me.”

“I'm not cute.”

“You definitely are.”

“Don't be weird, man.” He glared at Mark, who fell silent until they finished peeing.

“How old are you?”

“Same as you.”

“I'm thirteen.”

“Duh.”

“There's no way you're really thirteen. My dad probably misheard.”

“I am.” They washed their hands in silence long enough that Alex let himself believe Mark had dropped it.

“But I've got peach fuzz and you've got chipmunk cheeks.”

“What?”

“Chipmunk cheeks. It's something a lady at church said about her toddler.” Alex glowered at him. “Y'know, pudgy, chubby baby cheeks?”

“Shut up.” Alex said. Mark pounced, grabbing the smaller boy and squishing his cheeks with a hand. They were every bit as soft as he had imagined that toddler's cheeks to feel, so squishy, so wonderful. “Get off me!”

“Chubby cheeks like these, there's no way you're anything other than a silly little boy.” he said softly. “And I bet you're wearing cartoon undies, right?”

“I wear boxers!” It sounded whiny as it echoed in the bathroom, Mark playing with his cheeks, undeterred

“What's a silly little boy doing in boxers?”

“What? I” he sputtered, slapping Mark's hand away only for it to come back and squish his cheeks again. “We're the same age!”

“I'm a young man, you're a silly little boy.”

“Quit!”

“Then again, with how adorable you are, you might be a baby.”

“Quit!” This guy was crazy!

“Which is it? Are you a baby or a silly little boy?”

“Neither.” Mark nodded sagely.

“Figured. You're too little to even know. Guess I better scoop you up, put you on the changing table, and-” he leaned in close. “And treat you like the baby you are.”

“I am not a baby!”

“Then what are you?”

“A-” Mark covered his mouth with his hand.

“If you say anything other than baby or silly little boy, I'm taking your pants.” He looked Alex right in the eye, wondering if he knew how downright adorable he was. He could feel his cheeks under his hand. How did a boy make it to thirteen and still have such perfectly babyish cheeks? He pictured a dictionary with a pouting photo of Alex under the entry for baby faced. “Well?” He said, trying to hide his amusement at the mental image.

“I'm… a silly little boy.” Alex mumbled into his hand.

“Good. Now let's get back to the table before our parents wonder where we are.” He smiled disarmingly. “Oh, and don't bother tattling. They'll never believe a silly little boy.” Alex looked like he wanted to put that to the test. “Now a good little boy would ask me to carry him back to the table. It's a busy night for the restaurant and we'll need to find where your mom and my dad are sitting, won't we?”

“Stop it.” Alex snarled. “I am not”

“The options were silly little boy or baby.” Mark reminded him. “So maybe be careful what you're denying, dude.”

“I'm neither! I'm a teenager!”

“Alright, pants are coming off.” Mark said, spinning Alex around with every intention of tugging his khakis down. The change in Alex was near-instantaneous.

“I'm a silly little boy! And… and I think you should carry me to the table.” His pants stayed down.

“How silly are you?”

“What? Uh, really silly?”

“And how little are you?”

“Uh, um.”

“Itty bitty.” Mark whispered helpfully.

“Itty bitty.” Alex stumbled over the words.

“So you're a really silly itty bitty little boy?” Alex could not believe that this was happening, but he nodded. Mom would have to hear about how her date's son was a total psycho! “That's better. Up come your pants and up comes little Alex!”

Mom was waiting right outside the bathroom for them, but Alex stayed in Mark's arms. It bothered him that Mom didn't think it was strange that he was being carried. She even smiled a bit, as if she approved!

“Now that everyone's here.” The server said. “Since you two are thirteen, do we want kid menus or adult menus?” She looked at them, a bit unsure if both of them were really thirteen.

“Adult.” Alex said at once.

“I'll take the kid menu.” Mark said, glancing at Alex. “I like the maze or whatever, so bring the crayons too.” Alex eyed him cautiously, expecting a trick, but Mark soon was immersed in solving the kid puzzles on the paper placemat.

Alex tried to relax and focus on the menu. What did he want to eat? Mom had made him order from the kid menu last time they were here, so he was

“Check this out!” Mark exclaimed, shoving the kid menu in front of the menu Alex's held.

“Wow, you solved the maze.” Alex rolled his eyes. Mark might be bigger, but he seemed like a little kid.

“No, dude. Look!” Alex took the kid menu from Mark, confused about what he was supposed to be looking at.

“What?”

“Are we ready to order?” Alex looked up and saw the server standing there, watching him studying the kid menu while Mark held the regular menu.

“I think so.” Mark's dad said. “I'll have the cobb salad.”

“I'll have the chicken sandwich.”

“Give me that back.” Alex said, realizing what Mark's game was.

“We're ordering.” Mark replied. “Can I have the rodeo burger please?” He handed the menu to Alex's mom.

“I need that!” Alex whined.

“Just order from the menu you have, Alex.” Mom said. “It's time to order.”

“Want me to help you?” Mark asked.

“No.” Alex glared at him. Mark smiled.

“He'll have the chicken drummies, applesauce, and milk.” Mark said. “Oh, and plenty of ketchup!”

“No!” Alex protested, but no one paid him much mind, other than Mark, who covered his mouth and smiled sheepishly at the server.

“Sorry, he wanted to order for himself.” He relished feeling Alex's impossibly soft cheeks under his hand again. Pouting and whining had only made him even cuter.

“What was that?” Alex yanked Mark's hand away from his mouth.

“Oh, you're not a vegetarian, are you?”

“No, but-”

“Then what I ordered you is perfect for a silly little boy.” He reached over and patted Alex's leg. “Let's get to know each other a little better. You ask a question, I ask one?” Alex shrugged, but did not say no. “You go first.”

“I dunno. Who's your favorite streamer?”

“I used to watch ShinoBen, but not so much anymore. He stopped being funny.” Mark replied. Alex straightened up a bit. “My turn. Would you rather… hop like a bunny or waddle like a duck?”

“What?”

“That's my question.” Alex knew there had to be some trick, but what could it be? He shrugged.

“Bunny, I guess.” He pushed forward to his next question. “When's your birthday?” Mark seemed like he might push back, but then he replied.

“October 19th.” Alex realized that meant he was older than Mark. Perfect. “Who's your favorite superhero? And don't you deny it. Everyone likes at least one.”

“I guess I used to like-” he remembered seeing a display for a Spider-Man show for preschoolers and quickly pivoted. “I guess Batman's my favorite.” Once again, he had a feeling he shouldn't let the bigger boy dwell on his answers, but what could he ask next?

“Your turn, little guy.” Mark said.

“I'm older than you, you know.”

“But you're shorter. Therefore, little.” He leaned over to Alex's chair. “Itty bitty, teeny tiny.”

“Are you always this annoying?”

“Yep.” Mark said at once. “My teacher calls me a nuisance like once a week.”

“That's true.” Dad said, giving Mark a look. “Thought you were working on that.”

“I am, I am.” Mark chuckled. Dad smirked and went back to talking quietly with Alex's mom. “Guess that means it's my question again.” Mark said. Alex was staring down at his hands with a frown, so Mark grabbed his chin and turned his face so that their eyes met. “Alright, Alex the silly little boy.” Alex grunted in frustration. “You admitted it, not me. Where are you most ticklish?”

“I don't know.” Alex said. It was such a weird question. He noticed Mark's expression and quickly added “I used to be ticklish on my,” he almost said tummy, but instead gestured to his abdomen, unable to think of a mature word for it that didn't sound awkward.

“We'd better find out.” Mark said.

“What?” Mark reached over and pulled Alex's shirt up. As soon as his fingers brushed the exposed flesh of Alex's belly, the smaller boy bucked in his chair.

"Oh, that's promising." Mark murmured to himself, immediately switching tactics. No point going slowly with such a ticklish little boy, he thought, grabbing Alex and tugging him into his lap.

"Hey!" Alex exclaimed, but his startled giggle was far louder as Mark began to tickle all around his navel, feet kicking. No thirteen year old could be reduced to giggly little boy so quickly, Mark thought, though he had doubted that Alex was really his age this whole time. He tickled and tickled, delighting in how much nicer, cuter, better Alex's round face looked when it was giggling rather than glowering at him.

With Alex sprawled across his lap, panting for breath, Mark figured he might as well go for broke. He bent over and blew a raspberry into Alex's soft tummy, grinning as Alex squealed and kicked so hard, one of his shoes fell off.

“Told you they'd get along.” Mark heard his dad murmur to Alex's mom.

“Gotta balance you out.” Mark said, pulling off Alex's other shoe.

“What? No, let me-” Blpppppt! Mark silenced Alex with another raspberry before pulling off his socks and starting in on his feet. Alex was only slightly less ticklish on the bottoms of his feet, so all he could do was squirm and giggle helplessly on Mark's lap, any pretense of maturity all but gone, not even allowed to catch his breath until their food arrived.

“Ooh, doesn't that look yummy?” Mark said, returning Alex to his chair in front of the chicken drummies and a bright yellow plastic cup of milk. Alex looked covetously at Mark's rodeo burger, but knew he had no choice but to eat what was in front of him.

Mark focused on his own food, fighting the urge to feed Alex. He glanced over at him and smiled as he saw ketchup around his lips. I guess with a baby face like that you can't help but be a messy eater. He thought as he noticed not only that Alex chewed with his mouth open, but he had gotten ketchup on his shirt. A quick glance around the table told him that everyone was further along than Alex, which gave him an idea.

“They're gonna close before you finish eating, buddy!” He reached over, dipped a few fries into the ketchup, and pushed them into Alex's mouth.

"Get away from me." Alex knocked the fries out of Mark's hand. They landed on his shirt, leaving a trail of ketchup.

"Oopsie!" Mark retrieved them and pushed them into Alex's mouth.

"I can do it myself!"

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Mark said, preparing some more food.

Alex tried his best to push away anything Mark tried to feed him, but the bigger boy could not be deterred. Once the fries were gone, he moved on to the applesauce. By the time Alex's plate was clean, he was not. His face and shirt were splattered with ketchup and applesauce. Even his pants had not escaped completely unscathed. "What a messy little boy!" Mark said, grabbing the plastic cup of milk. "Can you drink your-" Alex, now in full pout, batted at the cup, only succeeding in knocking it out of Mark's hand and onto his lap.

"Oh, no!" Mark said as Alex was soaked in milk. "Guess it's not as secure as your sippy cups." Alex was too shocked to really process what Mark had said.

"Oops!" Alex's mom said, looking over at him in concern, not missing the disaster area that was his face and outfit.

"Don't worry." Mark was already on his feet. "I'll get him cleaned up." He pulled Alex's chair out and lifted him up, holding him at an arm's length as milk dripped down his legs.

"I need my shoes."

"You've gotten enough dirty." Mark chuckled. "Do you want me to carry you to keep your feet safe?"

"No." Mark smiled and set him down, dropping down in a squat to look right into Alex's hazel eyes. "Then you better hop like a bunny."

"What?" Alex was getting sick of this guy. He just wanted to go get cleaned up.

"Those are your choices, little boy. Hop like a bunny or have me carry you."

"Let me" Alex could not get around him even before Mark grabbed his wrist.

"Or do I strip you right here and now? Maybe your mom has some baby wipes in her purse?" Mark watched Alex make up his mind and nodded approvingly. “Paws up at your chest.” He demonstrated. “And hop, hop, hop!”

“I need my shoes.”

“We've been over this.” Mark said. “What you need to do is listen.” Alex looked over at Mom, who seemed to have forgotten he existed as she chatted with Mark's dad. Why had she even dragged him along on this date? Mark was a bully! “Hop, little bunny, hop hop hop!” Mark said, patting his arm. “Over to the potty, do not stop!”

“I-” he saw no choice, though quickly realized that being carried would probably have been less noticeable than a teenage boy bunny-hopping through the restaurant, face and clothes covered in ketchup, applesauce, and milk.

“Wasn't that fun?” Mark asked as they entered the bathroom for the second time. “Now we gotta get down to business.” He lowered the changing table.

“No!”

“What? It's just a place to put your messy shirt and pants.” Mark said. “I'm not putting them on the floor of a public bathroom!” Alex thought about pointing out that he was barefoot, but knew it would not end well for him. It was bad enough that Mark descended on him with a wet paper towel, holding both his wrists with one hand while scrubbing his face with the other. What really unnerved him was Mark's expression of pure love as he worked, as if he cared more for Alex than anything else in the world. He stared back at him, unsure how to react as Mark wiped his face clean. “Alright, little boy.” Mark said more softly. “Let's get those pants and shirt off.”

“What?”

“Oh, right. You're a silly little boy to the core.” Mark said with a knowing smile. He got to his feet, slipping his hands under Alex's arms in the same motion to deposit him on the changing table.

“Hey! What?”

“I told you this is for your messy clothes and you're still in them.” He noticed that Alex's khakis had a snap rather than a button as he undid them, removing his pants. He had been expecting Alex's boxers to be brightly colored and boyish, but they were the same brand and color as some of his, albeit clearly much smaller.

“Let me” Alex was reduced to squealing giggles once again as Mark's hand brushed his foot as he pulled his pants off his legs.

“What a ticklish little baby.” He cooed as he ran into the same issue pulling Alex's polo shirt over his head.

“I am not a baby!”

“That's right.” Mark said. “Remind me what you are, little guy.” With Alex on the changing table in nothing but his underwear, the need to tickle him was impossible to resist.

“Hehehe I'm, I'm heeheehee” Alex tried to get the words out, but there was no way to even form a coherent thought as Mark tickled him all over. If he had had more to drink before Mark had spilled all over him, he might have run the risk of peeing himself. “I'm a silly little boy!”

“Yes, you are.” Mark said, loving every inch of Alex more than ever, though those black boxers looked horribly incongruous when Alex looked like a baby doll come to life. Granted, he was taller than a baby, but his body seemed to want to keep him looking as babyish as possible despite his height. “We'd better get you dressed, but your clothes are filthy dirty!”

“Hope they're not having too much fun.” Mark's dad remarked as the sound of giggles finally faded from the bathroom.

“I'm just so glad they're getting along.” Alex's mom replied, squeezing his hand before sneaking a kiss. She smiled as Alex and Mark emerged from the bathroom.

“We had to improvise.” Mark said. He now wore a white t-shirt and his khakis while Alex had on his sweater, which covered him from neck to knees even in Mark's arms.

“I've got his shoes.” Alex's mom said. “Would you mind carrying him to the car?”

“Not at all.” Mark said, almost more to Alex than to his mom.

“I can walk!’

“I know you can.” Mark said. “You can walk, you can bunny hop, I bet you can even skip and gallop, but that's all awfully hard without shoes.” He kissed Alex's cheek. “No shoes, no socks, no pants. You've had quite an exciting dinner, huh?”

“Shut up.” Alex muttered.

“Don't make me tickle that frown off your face.”

Mark ambled along, the adults much too focused on each other to notice him lagging behind them, enjoying holding Alex for as long as possible. Dad had to have seen photos, so how had he kept such an adorable little boy secret? If he had only had some time to plan… then again, look at what had happened without any sort of warning. Alex had gone from trying to be a big boy to being carried in his arms in nothing but a borrowed sweater in less than two hours.

“Here's the car!” Mark said, making a beeline for the back seat.

“I sit up front.” Alex objected, but Mark ignored hiring him, depositing him right behind the seat he wanted to sit in.

“Buckle up, little boy.” He said, grabbing the seatbelt and fully expecting Alex to snatch it away. He did, turning away to buckle it. Once he heard the click, Mark took his chin and turned his face back toward him. "I'll get my sweater back next time we see each other." Mark meant it innocently, but to Alex, it sounded like a threat. He had to see him again? "But bye-bye for now, little guy."

"Bye." Alex was barely even audible.

"Come on." Mark chuckled. "Do it right."

"Bye."

"Nope." Mark leaned over him. "Give me a bye-bye hug and kiss." His hand covered Alex's objections. "I've kissed you a lot today. You can give me at least one kiss, Alex. Not on the lips, silly!"

"Fine." Whatever it took to make this all end. He would never see Mark again, after all. He stretched out his arms, trying his best to wrap them around Mark from his place in the car, and then pecked his cheek. "Ew!" He whined as Mark kissed his cheek one last time.

"See you next time." Mark said. "I'll get my sweater back and you keep these pouty little chipmunk cheeks." He smiled and stepped away, wishing more than anything that Dad would let him have a phone so he could get photos of Alex. If things are as serious as Dad made them sound, I'll be seeing a ton of Alex though. He thought.