Finny Goes to the Movies
Finn groaned as Nate and Felix laughed about something that had happened at their friend Jaycen's house. He hated hanging out with his little brother, but that was the rule for the whole summer ever since their parents had seen some news report or something. Neither of them could go anywhere with a “buddy”. Nate had convinced their parents that Felix counted as a buddy, but if Finn wanted to go somewhere, he had to go where Nate was going.
He had only agreed to come along with Nate because they were going to the movies, but somehow, Felix's mom had convinced them they had time to hang out and drink lemonade. It was dumb, Finn thought. What made it a million times worse was that Felix's mom was convinced Finn was Nate's little brother, hopelessly little, so he got stuck with a sippy cup and the babyish nickname Finny. He tried to set the record straight, but neither Nate nor Felix would back him up.
“And the third one's your weenie!” Nate bellowed. Even though both Nate and Felix laughed raucously, Finn's annoyed groan still drew their attention.
"Too bad we don't have a highchair for you." Felix had said that at least six times since they had arrived. Finn glared at him all the same, but Felix's mom was one of those parents who seemed to believe that her son could do no wrong.
"Aren't you done yet, Finny?" Nate asked. He picked up Finn's sippy cup and shook it. "You're not even halfway and your cup is smaller than ours!"
"We could take it with us." Felix suggested, his tan shoulders lifting his tank top up and down in a shrug.
"Is that what you want, Finny winny? Take your sippy with you?"
"No!"
"Well, hurry up then." Nate said.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Cuz" Finn did not know how to explain that the sippy cup made it hard to drink quickly without sounding like a total baby.
“Cuz why?” Felix asked. “Do you need help?” Finn glared at Felix.
“Aw, he’s too bashful to ask for help.” Nate said. “Little Finny needs help drinking all his juicy woosy.”
“Why are you talking like that?”
“It’s the way my mom talks to my little cousin Adam.” Felix explained. “You should know about Adam, you wore his stuff that one time.”
“Quit! Let’s just go to the movies.”
“It’s not time yet.” Nate said. “And you need to finish your lemonade.”
“Who cares?” Finn snarled.
“You’re a guest and it’s rude not to finish everything you’re given.” He rolled his eyes. “Geez, little brothers, right?”
“I am not your little brother.”
“That’s too bad.” Nate’s grin made it clear that he had something Finn would not like on his mind. “I know just how to help my little brother finish his lemonade on time.” Finn frowned and took another drink from the sippy cup. There had to be some way to make it come out faster!
“But remember, he doesn’t want our help.” Felix said. “Cuz you’re a big boy, aren’t you, Finny?” Finn rolled his eyes, turning the sippy cup all the way upside down to try and get it to come out even a little bit quicker. It’s working, he thought, but then Nate snatched the sippy cup from his hands.
“Here.” He said. “Hold him, Felix.” Finn cried out as Felix grabbed his arms, kicking and screaming as Nate pulled the lid off of the sippy cup, pulled out the front of his brother’s shorts and dumped the last third of the lemonade right onto his crotch.
“All gone!” Felix hissed in Nate’s ear, cackling. Felix’s mom finally came to investigate what all the commotion was. All Finny could do was whimper and blubber as Felix and Nate wove a tale about him being in a rush and trying to pull the lid of his sippy cup off.
“Well, that’s why we gave you the sippy.” Felix’s mom said. She grabbed Finny’s hand. “So sticky icky, huh?” Felix and Nate snickered as he nodded timidly. “Let’s get you cleaned up, hmm?”
“Bye-bye Finny poo.” Felix whispered as Felix’s mom led him out of the room.
“Here, you can get undressed in Felix’s room.” She said in that tone that made it obvious she had no idea he was Felix's big brother – or even north of five.
“But”
“The less you fuss, the quicker you’ll be all clean.” She said, kneeling down and lifting up on Finn’s shirt. The top of his shirt was red, but the bottom half was white and she was glad to see that it was unscathed beyond a few crumbs. “I see a Finny tummy!” Finn pulled away. “Oh, alright. You can do it yourself.”
Despite that, she stayed right there as Finn bashfully undressed, trying his best to tug down his briefs – now more yellow than white at the front – with one hand while keeping his modesty with the other.
“Let's get this over with.” Finn muttered, handing his soaked briefs over to Felix's mom.
“Remember where the bathroom is?” She asked as he took off running, half-expecting Felix and Nate to be there, waiting. They weren't.
“Uh…” he saw the tub filling up.
"Oh, the shower is broken, so you'll have to settle for a bath." She explained. It sounded like an obvious lie to Finn. All the same, once she left, he got into the tub. At least she had not insisted on bathing him this time, he thought.
He tried to relax, but knew he needed to hurry. They had to make the movie, right? Wait… If the shower was broken, did that mean that Felix took baths? Finn snorted at the thought. Maybe his mom still gave him baths and that was why she so easily slid into babying Finn.
Pushing the upsetting thoughts that followed aside, Finn got to work washing himself. He felt a little foolish. The lemonade had mostly been focused on his crotch, so why was he washing his arms? He moved lower, figuring his belly needed some washing, just to be safe. He cried out as the shower suddenly came on, a cloudburst of lukewarm water hitting him right in the face.
“Everything okay?” Felix’s mom said, bursting into the room every bit as suddenly as the shower had begun to run. “Oh! Yeah, it does that.” She hurried over and fiddled with the knobs. Finn covered himself as he felt her gaze shift to him. “Well, with a surprise like that, I bet the bath isn’t much fun at all anymore, hmm?” Finn was too bashful to speak. He was naked, after all! Last time, she had at least turned her back while he got dressed in those ridiculous toddler clothes. “Let’s get you all dried off.”
“Are Felix and Nate wondering where I am?” He knew his brother was always impatient when they had places to be.
“Oh, they already left.”
“What?”
“But don’t worry. I don’t mind ba… watch… hanging out with you, Finny!”
“What? I was supposed to-” She slipped her hands under the distressed boy’s arms and lifted him out of the tub, the action wrenching his hands away from his groin. “Hey!” He kicked in the air, but she had him wrapped in a towel before his toes even had time to curl on the fluffy bath mat below his feet. “I was supposed to go see the movie with them!”
“Well, your big brother told me you were a little worried it might be scary.”
“No!”
“It’s ok. Even I get scared sometimes. Did you know that?” Finn fumed. “Oh, but I bet you never ever get scared, huh?” Finn refused to play along. “I bet you don’t even sleep with a nightlight any more, do you?” When Finn once again set his jaw and refused to answer, she brushed a bit of wet hair out of his face, murmuring about how he could use a haircut, and pulled something from behind him over his head. It was only then that Finn looked at the towel he had draped around him and realized it was one of those hooded towels. Atop his head were the bubble eyes of a green frog. “Finny the Froggy!” She said. He gave a weak smile. “What sound do froggies make?”
“Ribbit.” He said. “I'm really too old for this sort of thing.”
“Aww. You're too big to hop like a froggy to Felix's room?”
“Yes.” Her smile worried Finn. She picked him up and carried him back to Felix's room. He had the same posters as Nate, but what caught Finn's attention was the clothes on the bed.
“I know you want your big boy undies.” She said as she saw him notice the Pull-ups on Felix’s bed. “But Felix’s boxers would be too big for you and those are all we have. We’ll get your undies clean lickety-split and then you’ll be back out of Pull-ups before the big- older boys get back.” Finn grumbled under his breath, but at least it was better than being naked.
He sighed as he finished dressing. Felix’s mom had stayed right there, pretending to tidy Felix’s room, but really watching him put on the Pull-ups and the matching – why’d it have to be matching? – Mickey Mouse Clubhouse t-shirt and shorts. Standing there in Felix’s room, which was a lot like Nate and his, seeing the younger boy’s boxers on top of his dirty laundry hamper, only made Finn feel worse about his toddler attire.
“I know you’re still bummed about the older boys ditching you, so let’s try and make this fun. Okie dokie?” Finn’s shoulders rose and fell in defeat. To his surprise, she kneeled down and grabbed his shoulders. She looked him over.
“What?”
"How old are you really?"
"Huh?" He did not understand why she was asking this now.
"I know your brother teases you about being a baby. That's what siblings do. But I also know you're not as young as my nephew Adam.” Even though you fit in his clothes hung in the air. “And you certainly don't talk like a kindergartener."
"Um" did he tell her the truth and risk her thinking he was lying? "Th" he stopped himself. "I'm"
"And I know for a fact that was lemonade on your underwear, wasn't it?" He nodded. Maybe this was all working out. "So, how old are you, bud?" His heart pounded in his chest and he was pretty sure his palms were sweating. He made up his mind. He was going to tell her the truth. No matter how she responded, he would tell her the truth.
"Thir... Thirteen." He mumbled, meek as a mouse, before clearing his throat to try and say it a bit more clearly.
"Thir? Oh, you're going into third grade in the fall?" His eyes widened. That was not what he had said at all! "So that makes you seven?" Panicked, he shook his head. "Oh? Six then?" She was going in the wrong direction!
“I’m eight.” He blurted out, knowing that it was ridiculous to say when he was really thirteen. Felix’s mom looked at him appraisingly.
“I see.” She said. “So you’re only two years younger than Nate and Felix?” She held up two fingers.
“Yeah, that’s right. I’m eight.”
“Well, I’m not so sure about that. A big boy eight year old wouldn’t be so willing to wear Pull-ups and drink from a sippy, would he?” It’s gonna blow her mind when she realizes I’m thirteen, Finn thought.
“Uh, well, my mom always says be a good and gracious guest.” She shook her head.
“You’re just a silly little boy, aren’t you? Aren’t you?” Finn squirmed and tried to get away as she got closer, but by the time he had realized what was coming, it was too late. “Silly little boy! Silly little boy!” She chanted in a goofy voice, tickling his sides and belly. Finn tried to push her away, but she was much bigger than him. He laughed and rolled around, but she seemed to be everywhere at once. There was no escape, at least until…
“Oh.” Finn said as he felt a squirt escape.
“Oh? Oh!” Thanks to her maternal instincts, she immediately knew what had happened, but still checked him out of habit, tugging down the front of his shorts to see his Pull-ups. “It’s okay. It’s just a little accident.” She smiled. “I won’t tell if you don’t.” She helped him to his feet. “And I had a feeling those weren’t just lemonade stains on your undies.” He blushed and stammered, but she had already moved on. “That’s why they call them accidents.” She smiled down at him. “But promise me no more using your Pull-ups, okay? Adam didn’t leave any diapers here!”
“I just wanted to go to a movie.” Finn mumbled, feeling as if his face had never been as red as it was.
“How about we watch our own movie?”
“Huh?” There was no way he would let her take him to the movies dressed like this!
“You saw the big TV. I know you did. We can make popcorn and you can watch the movie, color, play with toys, whatever you want to do.”
“Can we watch Slugman?”
“Is that what they went to see?” Finn knew moms well enough to know he had just gotten Felix into some trouble. “Well, that movie's not even appropriate for Felix and Nate, let alone you.”
“I can see PG 13 movies.”
“I'm sure you can, but I've got the perfect movie in mind for you. Adam loved it.”
“And he's a movie critic now?” Finn mumbled as she picked him up and carried him along.
“Oh, here's a photo of Adam from about a year ago!” She stopped in the hall and pointed at a photo of a chubby cheeked toddler with messy brown curls. He wore nothing but a diaper as he beamed up at the camera.
“And he's four now?” Finn said, doing the math.
“Yep, Adam's a big boy just like you.” She kissed his cheek and laughed. “Cutie Finny pudding and pie.”
“Huh?”
“Course, he still needs Pull-ups. You're just in them until your clothes are clean.”
“Which will be soon, right?”
“Oh, not yet. Maybe when your big brother comes back.” Finn sighed.
“What movie is it?” He asked as she finally set him down to have both hands free to work the TV.
“It's called Captain Snuggle and the Pajama Pirates.”
“Oh.”
“Have you seen it, Finny?”
“No.” He could have lied, but what if she asked him about it?
“I bet you'll like it.”
“Can’t we do something else?”
“Here.” She stood up and pulled out a cloth bin of trucks and cars. “You can play while the movie’s on, kay?” Great, he thought. I'd be seeing Slugman if Nate and Felix hadn't spilled lemonade on me. Now I'm wearing Pull-ups and playing with toy cars because this lady won't believe I'm thirteen.
Captain Snuggle proved to be the worst kind of little kid movie. A boy and girl were bored, so they boarded Captain Snuggle's pirate ship, the Cuddle Cruiser. It almost looked more like a crib than a ship. There were almost constant songs and each and every one seemed to be a lullaby. Finn wished he could be anywhere but here, but Felix's mom sat on the couch, making no effort to hide the fact that she was watching him more than the movie. He had no choice but to half-heartedly explore the trucks and cars in the bin.
Things got a little better when he discovered a fire truck that, when you pushed the button, played a siren. He grinned and began to push it around, making a game out of drowning out the music in the movie with the fire truck's siren. He smiled, glad that he didn't have to hear yet another obnoxious song about being a pirate and loving your friends. These guys weren't real pirates!
“I think we've had enough of that.” Felix's mom said, bending over and pulling him back toward her. “Let's watch the movie.”
“I don't really like this movie.”
“You've barely watched it.” She set him next to her. “How about this? You watch it while I get you some more lemonade.” She stood up. “And no moving. That toy needs to rest now.” Finn rolled his eyes, but tried his best to give the movie a chance. “Look, Finny! That boy looks like you!” She pointed to a boy in baby blue fleece footie pajamas with a sailboat applique on the button seat and a sailor cap who looked a few years too old to be talking excitedly about the pacifier compass pinned to his pajamas. “His name's Tugboat Teddy the Cabin Boy.”
“More like Cabin Baby.” Finn muttered under his breath. Thankfully, she didn't push it.
“Avast, ye snugglebugs!” Captain Snuggle said. “We're nearing the land of Lights-Out! Prepare for warm blankies and cotton candy trees!”
“What's that, Captain Snuggle?” The boy asked, pointing to the horizon.
“It looks like a storm.” The girl said. He had not caught either of their names.
“It's a Sleepy Storm!” Captain Snuggle declared.
“A doozy of one!” First Mate Binky added.
“Do we need to go down below?” The boy asked.
“This is ridiculous.” Finn muttered. “They're prolly gonna-”
“We'll sing it to sleep!” Captain Snuggle declared. Everyone on board the crib-ship began to sing yet another lullaby. Where was Felix's mom with the lemonade?
Finn slid lower down on the couch, feeling his eyelids grow heavy. The movie was so boring, it was putting him to sleep. He tried to force his eyes open again as the soothing lullaby continued.
Why was he trying to fight it? He didn't want to watch this movie. At least sleep would make the time go faster. He opened his eyes and was dimly aware of Felix's mom draping a blanket over him.
“Wake up, Finny.” He snapped awake to Nate's voice, briefly disoriented. He sat up and looked around. The blanket was still over him and Nate was grinning.
“You abandoned me.”
“Looks like you had fun.” Nate said with a snort.
“Are we leaving?”
“Not yet.” Nate walked away and Finn took stock. His thumb felt weird and he looked at it, suddenly worried he had been sucking on it in his sleep. He threw the blanket off and almost immediately scrambled to grab it again when he realized he was not wearing pants! All he had on was the t-shirt and Pull-ups!
“Did you have a nice nap?” Felix's mom asked, coming in with the sippy cup. She handed it to him. “Have some lemonade, it'll help you get those last little bits of sleepy out of your eyes.” He put the spout to his lips.
“Where's my pants?”
“Oh, I wanted to make sure I could keep an eye on your Pull-ups.” She whisked the blanket away, ignoring his indignant glare, and checked his Pull-ups. “Still dry! Good for you, Finny, but we'd better get you to the potty, huh?” She took the sippy cup from him, setting it on the coffee table before lifting him up and depositing him on his feet.
Nate and Felix were only in the next room, so they could not miss a flustered Finn being led by the hand to the bathroom, wearing a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse t-shirt and Pull-ups.
“How has he not told her he's thirteen?” Felix whispered. Nate shrugged.
“All that toddler stuff fits him and she seems to like babying him.” He said. “Maybe he did tell her and she doesn't believe him.” He shrugged again. “It'll all get straightened out.”
"Are my clothes dry yet?" Finn asked as Felix's mom put the seat down. "H-hey!" She had his Pull-ups down around his ankles before he even knew what was happening, his bottom landing on the toilet seat.
"Potty time first and then we'll go check, kay? Did you have a nice nap?"
"How long was I asleep?"
"We can finish the movie next time you're here, okie dokie? And I won't forget about your nap next time either."
"I don't..." he sighed, knowing that once she decided something, it was all but set in stone.
"You don't take naps everyday?"
"Right. I'm too old for naps." She looked at him as if she didn't believe him. "Seriously. I'm thirteen. I'm Nate's older brother." He waited for her to apologize, to look surprised, something. What he didn't expect was for her to laugh.
"Oh, Finny. That's so silly! I've changed you, I've given you baths. I think I'd know if you were thirteen, sweetie pie."
"But" he was gobsmacked. "I am!"
"Focus on going potty, Finny. We're going to finish this up, check on your clothes, and then we're going to take Nate and Felix out for dinner."
"But we need to get home."
"It's ok. Nate called your mommy and daddy while you were napping and let them know the plan." Finn did not like the sound of that.
"Can we go get my clothes now? I don't need to pee." Felix's mom studied him as if she could tell how full his bladder was with just a look.
"Let's give it one more minute." She looked at her smartwatch. "Try to go." Finn rolled his eyes, wondering what she would do if he got off the toilet. Would she spank him? Could he make a run for it? Why was he putting up with all this? He was thirteen years old and this lady was- "Time's up!"
To Finn's relief, she let him get off the toilet by himself. Even though he could reach fine, she made him stand on a stool to wash his hands and then they were off to the laundry room. He couldn't believe his luck. He was about to get his own clothes back, Nate and Felix weren't around to see him walking in just Pull-ups and a t-shirt, everything was going so well!
“We've got to go down the stairs to the basement, Finny. Can you be safe and go down them by yourself?”
“Yes.” That wasn't good enough for Felix's mom. She kneeled down between him and the door to the basement.
“One step, one foot, holding tight, that's how we go down the stairs right.”
“Ok.” Finn said. Why was she making such a big deal out of this? As if she could hear his thoughts, she began to sing.
“Step by step, hold the rail, going slow will never fail! No big jumps, safe we stay. We go down the careful way. Step by step, hold on tight. We go down the stairs just right!” She repeated the song until they reached the bottom. “Alrighty doodles, let's see what's in the dryer!”
Finn stood there as she opened the door. What if something had gone wrong? He grinned as he saw his red and white shirt come out of the dryer, looking especially mature since it didn't have Mickey anywhere on it. His shorts came next. Then, his face fell. That underwear in her hands was not his!
“Where's my underwear?”
“Right here, Finny.” She held up the Thomas the Tank Engine briefs. No, those were not his!
“Those aren't mine. Mine are just white.” These had a red waistband and leg holes with Thomas the Tank Engine all over them, going every direction. They weren't his. They couldn't be his. “They're not mine.”
“Whose else would they be? Felix wears boxers and these would never fit him.” She held them up. “They're Finny sized.” Finn's heart pounded. Something weird was going on here. Felix or Nate had swapped them out or something! “They're exactly the same as the ones I put in the wash earlier. I think you were wearing white undies last time you were here.” Finn shook his head. He couldn't wear those.
“These are your options, sweetie.” Felix's mom said. “You can keep your Pull-ups on or we can do your big boy undies. Up to you.” Finn didn't know what to choose. Thomas the Tank Engine briefs were at least as babyish as Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Pull-ups, maybe even more so somehow. He was pretty sure Nate was still in diapers when he watched Thomas the Tank Engine everyday.
“There has to be something else in the dryer.” He pushed his way over and looked into the empty drum.
“You've been begging for your undies all day.” Felix's mom said, opportunistically hooking a finger into the back of his Pull-ups. “You'll feel better about them once you have them on.”
“Those aren't mine!” He whined as she removed his Pull-ups. He pulled his Mickey Mouse Clubhouse t-shirt down over his crotch as the Thomas briefs came into view. She held them open.
“Step right in, step left too.” Finn sighed, but obeyed. “Pull them up, it's what we do.” Up came the babyish briefs. "Snug and cozy, soft and neat. Nice clean undies can't be beat!”
“Oh, my god.” Finn muttered.
“Doesn't that feel better?” She stood up and grabbed his hand. “Alright, let's go upstairs and find your shorts.”
“What? You have my shorts right there.”
“These are clean.” She replied. “You've got those shorts upstairs you've been wearing all day.”
“But”
“Your butt'll be in the shorts upstairs. Let's go up the stairs. Do you want to be extra safe and crawl?”
“I am not crawling up the stairs!” Finn snapped, realizing he had barely improved his situation. He was still pantsless, just instead of Pull-ups, he had the worst underwear imaginable. It made no sense. Not only had his underwear vanished, but it was obvious the Thomas the Tank Engine briefs were for a toddler, yet they were no more snug on him than a new pair of his own underwear.
“Alright, we'll go up the stairs, nice and slow, holding-”
“I know!”
“Someone's getting hangry, hmm?”
“Can't I have my clothes back?”
“I told you.” She said gently. “These are clean and it's too late in the day to put on clean clothes.” The way she emphasized clean as if he was a dumb little kid only infuriated him more.
“I'm thirteen!” He snarled.
“Finny, do you need some quiet down time?”
“No! I need you to listen and quit treating me like a little kid! I know you're trying to be nice, but I am almost fourteen years old. You can't keep treating me like a baby.”
“Those are big feelings.” Felix's mom said.
“Stop!”
“And I'm sorry you feel like I'm treating you like a baby. I promise that, from now on, I'll remember how big you are, okay?” Finn scowled. That did not sound right at all. “Now, we need to go upstairs. Lead the way.”
Finn stomped up the stairs, taking care to hold the railing to make sure Felix's mom had no reason to intervene. It was only when he reached the top that he realized he was pantsless and should have insisted on shorts.
“Where are those boys?” Felix's mom murmured. “Alright, here's what we're gonna do. You need some quiet time.”
“What? What does that mean?”
“Shh, quiet and I'll tell you.” She said. Finn rolled his eyes, but stayed quiet as she grabbed a coloring book and crayons. “For the next ten minutes.” She said ten as if he might have never heard of it before. “You're going to color. No talking, just coloring. I just know that'll help you feel better.” Finn needed his shorts, even if they were the red ones with Mickey on the left leg.
“Can-”
“Shh. No talking.” She set the coloring book on the coffee table. “Come on. Ten quiet minutes of coloring. No talking.” Finn descended to his knees and took the offered crayon. “There we go.” She said soothingly.
Even as Felix and Nate came down from Felix's room, Finn was forced to focus on coloring the car in the coloring book, so the first they saw of him was the boy on his knees, coloring with his underoos-clad bottom on prominent display. They snickered and whispered to each other before Nate spoke up.
“Finny! You're out of Pull-ups!”
“He's having quiet down time.” Felix's mom said, pointing him back to his coloring. “But yes, we got his clothes all nice and clean. I know you two poured lemonade all over him. What a nasty thing to do to a little boy!” Finn smirked. Make them wear Pull-ups, he thought. “Are you ready to go eat?”
“We are.” Felix said, only sounding the slightest bit chastised. Was that all they were going to get?
“Alright, Finny.” Felix's mom held the Mickey Mouse shorts. “Come over here and let's get your pants on.” They're better than Pull-ups, they're better than Pull-ups. Finn thought as his brother and Felix were treated to the sight of him walking across the room and stepping into his shorts. At least she didn't sing, he thought glumly. “I think we're all set. Finny can handle a few blocks, right?”
“Uh, yeah.” Nate replied, clearly a little unsure what the question meant. Felix's mom nodded before kneeling down again. I'm not that short, Finn thought grumpily. His head met Nate's shoulder when he stood on his toes, after all!
“Now, Finny, we're going to walk to the restaurant for dinner. Whose hand do you want to hold?” Was that even a question? There was no way he would hold his brother or Felix's hand. Then again, he'd prefer not to hold anyone's hand, but he had a feeling that was not an option Felix's mom would even think about.
“Uh, yours.” He mumbled.
“Okie dokie!” She presented her hand and he took it. It was better than being carried or having to hold his brother's hand. He was almost surprised she hadn't insisted on either of those.
Nate and Felix walked behind Finn and Felix's mom, chatting quietly. Finn looked over his shoulder, trying to figure out what they were talking about. It looked like they were watching something on Felix's phone. It might not have had anything to do with Finn, but he had a sneaking suspicion it did. Had they taken pictures or even a video of him in Pull-ups? The Thomas briefs?
Where had his underwear gone? He couldn't believe he wanted his white briefs back. He had every plan of abandoning them come back to school shopping, finally getting boxer briefs like Nate wore. And now I'm wearing freaking Thomas underoos, he thought bitterly.
“Look, Finny!” Felix's mom said, scooping him up as if he had no hopes of seeing the playground they were walking past with his feet on the ground. “Maybe we can stop here to play after dinner, huh?”
“Uh, I guess?” Once they ate, he would be demanding that he and Nate go home. I'm the older brother, he reminded himself. I should make an executor decision or whatever it's called.
“And there's the restaurant!” Felix's mom said, keeping Finn in her arms as they arrived.
The hostess smiled as they walked in, her face lighting up as she saw Finn in Felix's mom's arms. He groaned and had to fight the primal urge to hide his face in Felix's mom's shoulder. Another person who seemed to think he was a little boy.
“Do we need a highchair?” The hostess eyed him up. “Oh, probably a booster seat.”
“Yes, thank you.” Felix's mom said.
“And how old is this little guy?” The hostess asked as she led them to their table. No one seemed to know how to answer, so Finn seized his chance.
“I'm thirteen!” His declaration hung in the air.
“Thirteen?” The hostess said in the mock disbelief adults only ever used for little kids. “Is that how old these two are?”
“Naw, we're ten.” Nate said. “Finny'll be five next month.” Finn glared at his brother, but Felix's mom distracted him by setting him in the booster seat and even getting the plastic bib around his neck before fishing wet wipes out of her purse to give his face a wipe, just because she could.
“We'll have to have a birthday party for you.” She said softly. “Well, at least a cupcake.” She smiled.
“I'll be fourteen.” Finn sputtered as she wiped all around his mouth.
“No, you already are four. You'll be five. Big brother just said.”
“Nate's lying. I'm a teenager!” Felix's mom leaned in close to him.
“Do you want to go potty or color?”
“Don't change the subject. I'm a-”
“You didn't go earlier, so let's visit the potty.” She plucked him out of the booster seat and set him down, keeping a hand on the back of his head as he led the way to the bathroom. It was only when they were at the doors that he realized he had the plastic bib around his neck. “No, no, leave your bib on. We don't need more laundry today!” Felix's mom said.
“Fine.”
“We need to go in this door, snugglebug.” She nudged him toward the womens’ room. Finn felt a twinge of panic. He couldn't go in the girls’ room! That was forbidden!
Realizing the bathroom was empty, Finn felt a little better, though his relief faded when Felix's mom took him into a stall.
“I'll do it myself!” Finn declared, tugging down his shorts and underwear before realizing he had sounded every bit like the almost five year old he had been declared. Felix's mom smiled, amused. What am I doing? Finn thought. Pulling my pants down completely? I pee standing!
“And up on the potty goes Finny-boo, we'll flush and wash when you're all through.”
“Did you just come up with that?” She smiled and nodded.
“You really shouldn't-”
“Shh, go peepee.”
“You shouldn't listen to Nate. He's a dumb ten year old. I'm honestly turning fourteen.” Felix's mom sighed, but tried to hide her irritation.
“Finny, you need to stop with this. There's no reason your big brother would lie about something like that and I think I know a four year old when I see one.”
“Then why did you need to ask me how old I am?”
“Enough silly questions. Finish peeing and we'll go eat.” Muttering under his breath, Finn peed, glaring down at Thomas's smiling face around his ankles. He kicked his foot, feeling a little better as his shorts and underpants fell off onto the bathroom floor.
"What did you do that for?" Felix's mom asked, picking them up. Finn did not answer. "Are you done?" He nodded.
As Felix's mom had him step into the Thomas briefs, he heard the door open. He froze, but she smiled.
"It's a public bathroom, Finnyroo. Let's do your shorts." He knew it would go quicker if he got to put them on himself, but she held them tightly and all he could do was step in. Then it was out to wash his hands, coming face to face with a girl a couple years younger than Felix and Nate.
"What's he doing in here? Boys aren't allowed."
"We make an exception for little boys who still need help." Felix's mom explained.
"You were changing his diaper?"
"No, no. Finny's too big for that. He's four." It annoyed Finn how readily the girl accepted that he was about half her age when they were nearabouts the same size, but she shrugged it off as he was shepherded to the sink for Felix's mom to help him wash his hands, the mirror reminding him of his bib. Isn't this over yet?
Felix and Nate were too busy chatting with each other to pay Finn much mind, though he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Felix's mom gave him nonstop attention, leaning in close to have him decide what he wanted from the kids menu. It made him feel a little better that Nate and Felix also had to order from it, though they didn't have to color in the smiling food items with the crayons the server brought. They also got to order whatever they wanted to drink while Finn got chocolate milk.
"It'll give you strong bones." Felix's mom said as he eyed the other two's root beer floats covetously.
"Ice cream has calcium too." He mumbled.
"But the sugar will rot their teeth." She tickled his side. "Right out of their heads!"
Finn ate his grilled cheese and fruit as quickly as he could, but it didn't help that Nate and Felix were too busy making each other laugh with their fries, so he was stuck there in the booster seat.
"Don't we have to get home, Nathan?" Finn asked. Nate snorted, seeing right through Finn.
"Nope." He went back to sticking fries up his nose to Felix's delight.
"Honestly." Finn muttered. "How can anyone think I'm younger than those dweebs?" He shifted in the booster seat, still unsure if his underwear was any better than the Pull-ups.
"We're all paid." Felix's mom said. "Felix, get your hand out of your pants. Finny, up you come." She lifted him out of the booster seat and down to the floor. "I think I owe you a trip to the playground."
"No, Nate and I need to get home." Finn said, trying to sound as mature as possible. "Our parents might get worried."
"Finny!" Nate said. "I told you before, we're spending the night."
"What?"
"I'm sure I mentioned it too." Felix's mom said. “In all the excitement, he just forgot.”
"No! No no no." Finn said. "Nate, we have to go home!" His mind raced with terrified thoughts about what a night over at Felix's might mean for him. What would Felix's mom do to him? "Nate!"
Nate turned away from Finn, smirking at Felix. Everything was going perfectly. Kneeling down, Felix's mom pulled him to her, giving him a big hug.
"I know it's scary, the idea of sleeping in a new place, but I promise you'll have fun."
"But" his voice was muffled by her shoulder.
"I'll take good care of you."
That's what I'm afraid of, Finn thought as they left the restaurant and he imagined himself dressed just like Tugboat Teddy the Cabin Baby. That had to be her plan. She'd even said he looked like him!
"We don't want to go right to bed, do we?" It took Finn a moment to realize she was talking to him.
"No." He said. His bedtime at home wasn't for hours yet.
"Well, here's the playground, how about you run around and burn off some of those big feelings?"
"Uh"
"But let's stay in this fenced in area. That big playground over there looks scary." Finn looked at the brightly colored plastic playground in front of him versus the bigger one made of wood and metal. He frowned. Just my luck, he thought. I have to be on the baby playground. "Unless you're feeling sleepy. It's been a long day." She smirked as Finn ran toward the playground. That never failed to work.
Finn had to think -- and fast. There had to be some way to get out of an overnight stay. I could fake a stomach ache ? That could easily backfire. She thinks I'm a baby, maybe I could sob for mommy and daddy? No, that would definitely come back to bite him.
He was stuck. He couldn't climb over the fence without being noticed and Felix's mom was sitting right in front of the only gate. He sighed and slid down the slide.
There was no way to avoid getting bored before long. The side of the playground had rolling tic-tac-toe, but there was no way he was going to ask Felix's mom to come play with him. Defeated, he shuffled over to Felix's mom.
"All played out?" He nodded. "Wanna go down the big slide once before we go?" She pointed to the tall metal slide over at what Finn remembered calling the big kid playground when he had been little.
"Sure."
"Show me how fast you can run!" She said. Finn rolled his eyes, but burst into a run, only realizing halfway there that this would only mean he would be going back to Felix's house sooner. He didn't know what waited for him there, but the very thought of it made him shudder. "Climb up!" Felix's mom called. Finn began to do just that, knowing that this was just delaying the inevitable. "And down you come!" He slid down right into her arms. “I've got the cutest jammies for you at home.”
“Another thing of Adam's?” He muttered in disbelief. That kid must've left all his clothes at her house.
“Nope, these were bought extra special just for you, Finny.”
Finn tried to nonchalantly get an answer from her about just what pajamas waited for him, but Felix's mom saw it as him being excited, refusing to 'spoil the surprise'.
Nate and Felix were holed up in Felix's bedroom, so Finn had no way to delay being herded to the guest room. Felix's mom went over to the closet.
"Can you get undressed for me, Finny?" She said, busying herself with something in there. Finn stripped, wincing as he remembered he had Thomas and not his actual underwear. He tried his best to cover his childish briefs as he inched over to the door Felix's mom had left wide open. Was he going to close it? Make a run for it? Why hadn't he noticed the door was open and unguarded before he got down to his underwear? "Undies too!" Felix's mom said, turning around with something distressingly baby blue in her arms. Finn, however, was more focused on the blue and white Pull-ups she held up.
"No!" He exclaimed.
"Sweetie, don't start. They're just in case."
"I don't need them!"
"I know." She said. "But you already had an oopsie or two today, so I'm not taking any chances." She grabbed his hand and pulled him back into the room, away from the still open door. "Undies off." Finn groaned, but complied. "I know, you like your big boy undies, but these are what big boys wear to bed."
"Do Nate and Felix wear them?" He asked with a dismissive snort. She only smiled and waited for him to step into the Pull-ups she held out. He groaned again as he noticed just how puffy the Pull-ups were, sticking out from his butt.
"Arms up!" Felix's mom announced, gathering the pajama shirt in her hands. Finn raised his arms, wishing not for the first time that he had the hairy armpits Felix did. He knew, however, that they remained as hairless and disconcertingly soft as they always had been.
Finn did not get a good look at the pajamas until he was wearing them. He was glad they were not the soft footie pajamas Tugboat Teddy the Cabin Baby wore, but they had to have been inspired by them; same color and there was a pacifier compass applique on the left side of his chest. He covered it with his hand as Felix's mom looked him over.
"Such a long face!" Felix's mom remarked. "Someone must be sleepy." She kissed the top of his head. "And such long hair." She mused. "Well, at least you don't need a second bath, huh?" She chuckled and nudged him toward the door.
After Finn sat on the toilet one last time before bed, he had to brush his teeth under Felix's mom's close supervision.
"All minty fresh?" She asked. He nodded. "Give me a big smile!" He forced a smile. "Attaboy! No rotting teeth for Finny!"
"Yay..." he said half-heartedly.
"Aww, sleepy little boy. Let's get you to bed." He figured that that would at least give him some breathing room, so he walked docilely along until they went right past the bedroom he figured he would be sleeping in.
"Huh?"
"You need to say good night to big brother, don't you?" Finn felt a twinge of panic. Even if Nate had no chance of recognizing that his pajamas were from a baby movie, there was no way he was going to let Nate see him like this or realize he was being put to bed so early.
"We don't need to bother him."
"That's just silly, Finny. He loves you!" She picked him up and carried him to Felix's closed door. "Knock, knock!" She said, opening the door. "Finny wants to say good night!"
Felix and Nate sat on Felix's bed, playing a video game. The window behind them showed that the sun had not even touched the horizon yet. They looked up as one at Felix's mom and then their eyes slid in unison over to Finn as he was put down on the floor.
"Can you two watch him for just a second?" Felix's mom asked, leaving the room before they had a chance to answer. As soon as she was out of sight, they pounced.
"Look how cute you are!" Felix said, grinning. "Mom's got you totally babied, huh?" Finn was about to counter, but he realized there was still a way out of this.
"Nate, you gotta tell her that we need to go home. Make up an emergency or something."
"Why?"
"Because! I can't" he struggled to find the right words. "I can't do this!"
"She's just gonna put you to bed now." Felix said with a shrug. "It's really not as bad as being awake with her."
"You guys told her I'm four!"
"What's important is she believed it." Nate said. "And you've been with her all day."
"I tried to tell her."
"And?" Felix asked as if leading Finn on.
"She didn't believe me."
"Exactly." Nate said. "We're responsible big boys and you're a fibbing little Finny who keeps having accidents."
"This isn't fair!"
"We'll go home in the morning." Nate said.
"Yeah, after she feeds me baby food or something." Finn muttered.
"I mean, you are in a diaper." Nate said, lunging and tugging down Finn's shorts. They were snug enough that they only came down enough to expose Mickey waving from the front of his pull-ups.
"They have a fly though, so Finny feels like he's a big boy." Felix said with a laugh. Finn glared at them, tugging on his shorts.
"This is ridiculous! You two need to tell her the truth!"
"Or what? You'll tattle?"
"Face it, dude." Nate said. "She thinks you're four, you've let her treat you like you're four. Just ride it out."
"And you'll turn five soon." Felix said with a snort. He flopped back onto his bed.
"Seriously." Finn said.
"It's not that bad." Nate said. "We just spend the night and then go home in the morning. If she gets too out of hand, I'll figure something out, kay?"
"She already has!" Finn protested. "I mean, look at me!" Nate snickered as he did just that.
"You're adorable." He said, choosing not to mention that the back of Finn's shirt was tucked into his pull-ups.
"And I'm back!" Felix's mom said. "What have you three been up to?" As if a switch flipped, Nate looked like the picture of maturity.
"Oh, I was just making sure Finny's wearing Pull-ups. He's gotten into the habit of telling Mom and Dad he doesn't wet the bed, despite the evidence." He gave Felix's mom a knowing look before gazing down at Finn. "Isn't that right, fibby Finny?" Finn only grunted.
"We'd better get you to bed, kiddo." Felix's mom said, picking him up. "Nini, big brother and Felix!" She patted his puffy bottom. "I guess Felix is kinda like a big brother too, isn't he?"
"No." Finn said, sighing in defeat.
"And here's your berth for the night, sailor Finny!" Felix's mom said, returning to the guest room. "We've just got one more thing before it's time to set sail on the Sleepy Seas!" Had she memorized the movie?
"What is that?" Finn asked as she pulled a long lanyard, covered in teddy bear decals, out of her pocket. At one end was an orange plastic clip. At the other, the end just emerging from her pocket, was a well-loved pacifier. "No, no, mmph!" Finn only barely caught a glimpse of a faded 'I heart mama' on the pacifier before the bulb opposite it pushed its way through his protests and into his mouth. He gave it a few startled sucks as Felix's mom clipped the other end to his shirt.
"I know you're too big to need one during the day, but Nate told me you still use your binky at bedtime."
"No, I don't." Over her shoulder, he could see himself in the mirror. From the pajamas to the obvious Pull-ups to the pacifier -- faded and worn enough to conceivably be the binky of a five year old who hadn't quite kicked the habit -- in his mouth, the boy in the mirror was undeniably a toddler. It was just supposed to be a trip to the movies and now, hours later, he was being put to bed by a woman who refused to believe he was a teenager! "I don't need it!" He spat the pacifier out only to have her immediately return it to his mouth.
"Says the little boy who was sucking his thumb at naptime." She returned the pacifier to his mouth three more times before shaking her head. "This isn't funny, Finny. Big brother Nate was nice enough to remember it and spitting it out isn't going to keep you from going to bed." She pulled back the covers. "Crawl in." Finn did so, chewing a bit on the bulb of the pacifier. Maybe he could break it? It felt too durable for that, so he resigned himself to just waiting to spit it out until she was gone.
Felix's mom had other plans. Once she got him tucked in, his back turned to her, she sat down in a chair right by the bed and began to rub his back gently. He realized she planned to stay with him until he fell asleep! He slowly pushed the pacifier out of his mouth with his tongue, but it only sat on the pillow for a moment before she returned it to his mouth.
"I know it's hard to sleep in an unfamiliar place, snugglebug." She whispered soothingly. "Just close your eyes, suck on your binky, and relax." She rubbed his back, humming and then starting to sing a soft lullaby. "Good night, snugglebug, time for bed. Now rest your sleepy little head. The stars are twinkling up above." It's still daytime outside, Finn thought irritably. "And sending down their bedtime love." She returned to humming and Finn could feel sleep starting to near him. No, he couldn't fall asleep! That would only prove her point. "Tucked you in, all warm and tight. Kisses, cuddles, soft moonlight." The weight of the day's humiliation was beginning to take its toll. "Close your eyes and dream away, we'll snuggle more another day." Finn began to suck automatically on the pacifier, feeling her hand rubbing rhythmically up and down on his back. "Goodnight, snugglebug, time for bed." She began again. Finn wasn't sure when or if she finished the second round of the lullaby. He was asleep.
He had only agreed to come along with Nate because they were going to the movies, but somehow, Felix's mom had convinced them they had time to hang out and drink lemonade. It was dumb, Finn thought. What made it a million times worse was that Felix's mom was convinced Finn was Nate's little brother, hopelessly little, so he got stuck with a sippy cup and the babyish nickname Finny. He tried to set the record straight, but neither Nate nor Felix would back him up.
“And the third one's your weenie!” Nate bellowed. Even though both Nate and Felix laughed raucously, Finn's annoyed groan still drew their attention.
"Too bad we don't have a highchair for you." Felix had said that at least six times since they had arrived. Finn glared at him all the same, but Felix's mom was one of those parents who seemed to believe that her son could do no wrong.
"Aren't you done yet, Finny?" Nate asked. He picked up Finn's sippy cup and shook it. "You're not even halfway and your cup is smaller than ours!"
"We could take it with us." Felix suggested, his tan shoulders lifting his tank top up and down in a shrug.
"Is that what you want, Finny winny? Take your sippy with you?"
"No!"
"Well, hurry up then." Nate said.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Cuz" Finn did not know how to explain that the sippy cup made it hard to drink quickly without sounding like a total baby.
“Cuz why?” Felix asked. “Do you need help?” Finn glared at Felix.
“Aw, he’s too bashful to ask for help.” Nate said. “Little Finny needs help drinking all his juicy woosy.”
“Why are you talking like that?”
“It’s the way my mom talks to my little cousin Adam.” Felix explained. “You should know about Adam, you wore his stuff that one time.”
“Quit! Let’s just go to the movies.”
“It’s not time yet.” Nate said. “And you need to finish your lemonade.”
“Who cares?” Finn snarled.
“You’re a guest and it’s rude not to finish everything you’re given.” He rolled his eyes. “Geez, little brothers, right?”
“I am not your little brother.”
“That’s too bad.” Nate’s grin made it clear that he had something Finn would not like on his mind. “I know just how to help my little brother finish his lemonade on time.” Finn frowned and took another drink from the sippy cup. There had to be some way to make it come out faster!
“But remember, he doesn’t want our help.” Felix said. “Cuz you’re a big boy, aren’t you, Finny?” Finn rolled his eyes, turning the sippy cup all the way upside down to try and get it to come out even a little bit quicker. It’s working, he thought, but then Nate snatched the sippy cup from his hands.
“Here.” He said. “Hold him, Felix.” Finn cried out as Felix grabbed his arms, kicking and screaming as Nate pulled the lid off of the sippy cup, pulled out the front of his brother’s shorts and dumped the last third of the lemonade right onto his crotch.
“All gone!” Felix hissed in Nate’s ear, cackling. Felix’s mom finally came to investigate what all the commotion was. All Finny could do was whimper and blubber as Felix and Nate wove a tale about him being in a rush and trying to pull the lid of his sippy cup off.
“Well, that’s why we gave you the sippy.” Felix’s mom said. She grabbed Finny’s hand. “So sticky icky, huh?” Felix and Nate snickered as he nodded timidly. “Let’s get you cleaned up, hmm?”
“Bye-bye Finny poo.” Felix whispered as Felix’s mom led him out of the room.
“Here, you can get undressed in Felix’s room.” She said in that tone that made it obvious she had no idea he was Felix's big brother – or even north of five.
“But”
“The less you fuss, the quicker you’ll be all clean.” She said, kneeling down and lifting up on Finn’s shirt. The top of his shirt was red, but the bottom half was white and she was glad to see that it was unscathed beyond a few crumbs. “I see a Finny tummy!” Finn pulled away. “Oh, alright. You can do it yourself.”
Despite that, she stayed right there as Finn bashfully undressed, trying his best to tug down his briefs – now more yellow than white at the front – with one hand while keeping his modesty with the other.
“Let's get this over with.” Finn muttered, handing his soaked briefs over to Felix's mom.
“Remember where the bathroom is?” She asked as he took off running, half-expecting Felix and Nate to be there, waiting. They weren't.
“Uh…” he saw the tub filling up.
"Oh, the shower is broken, so you'll have to settle for a bath." She explained. It sounded like an obvious lie to Finn. All the same, once she left, he got into the tub. At least she had not insisted on bathing him this time, he thought.
He tried to relax, but knew he needed to hurry. They had to make the movie, right? Wait… If the shower was broken, did that mean that Felix took baths? Finn snorted at the thought. Maybe his mom still gave him baths and that was why she so easily slid into babying Finn.
Pushing the upsetting thoughts that followed aside, Finn got to work washing himself. He felt a little foolish. The lemonade had mostly been focused on his crotch, so why was he washing his arms? He moved lower, figuring his belly needed some washing, just to be safe. He cried out as the shower suddenly came on, a cloudburst of lukewarm water hitting him right in the face.
“Everything okay?” Felix’s mom said, bursting into the room every bit as suddenly as the shower had begun to run. “Oh! Yeah, it does that.” She hurried over and fiddled with the knobs. Finn covered himself as he felt her gaze shift to him. “Well, with a surprise like that, I bet the bath isn’t much fun at all anymore, hmm?” Finn was too bashful to speak. He was naked, after all! Last time, she had at least turned her back while he got dressed in those ridiculous toddler clothes. “Let’s get you all dried off.”
“Are Felix and Nate wondering where I am?” He knew his brother was always impatient when they had places to be.
“Oh, they already left.”
“What?”
“But don’t worry. I don’t mind ba… watch… hanging out with you, Finny!”
“What? I was supposed to-” She slipped her hands under the distressed boy’s arms and lifted him out of the tub, the action wrenching his hands away from his groin. “Hey!” He kicked in the air, but she had him wrapped in a towel before his toes even had time to curl on the fluffy bath mat below his feet. “I was supposed to go see the movie with them!”
“Well, your big brother told me you were a little worried it might be scary.”
“No!”
“It’s ok. Even I get scared sometimes. Did you know that?” Finn fumed. “Oh, but I bet you never ever get scared, huh?” Finn refused to play along. “I bet you don’t even sleep with a nightlight any more, do you?” When Finn once again set his jaw and refused to answer, she brushed a bit of wet hair out of his face, murmuring about how he could use a haircut, and pulled something from behind him over his head. It was only then that Finn looked at the towel he had draped around him and realized it was one of those hooded towels. Atop his head were the bubble eyes of a green frog. “Finny the Froggy!” She said. He gave a weak smile. “What sound do froggies make?”
“Ribbit.” He said. “I'm really too old for this sort of thing.”
“Aww. You're too big to hop like a froggy to Felix's room?”
“Yes.” Her smile worried Finn. She picked him up and carried him back to Felix's room. He had the same posters as Nate, but what caught Finn's attention was the clothes on the bed.
“I know you want your big boy undies.” She said as she saw him notice the Pull-ups on Felix’s bed. “But Felix’s boxers would be too big for you and those are all we have. We’ll get your undies clean lickety-split and then you’ll be back out of Pull-ups before the big- older boys get back.” Finn grumbled under his breath, but at least it was better than being naked.
He sighed as he finished dressing. Felix’s mom had stayed right there, pretending to tidy Felix’s room, but really watching him put on the Pull-ups and the matching – why’d it have to be matching? – Mickey Mouse Clubhouse t-shirt and shorts. Standing there in Felix’s room, which was a lot like Nate and his, seeing the younger boy’s boxers on top of his dirty laundry hamper, only made Finn feel worse about his toddler attire.
“I know you’re still bummed about the older boys ditching you, so let’s try and make this fun. Okie dokie?” Finn’s shoulders rose and fell in defeat. To his surprise, she kneeled down and grabbed his shoulders. She looked him over.
“What?”
"How old are you really?"
"Huh?" He did not understand why she was asking this now.
"I know your brother teases you about being a baby. That's what siblings do. But I also know you're not as young as my nephew Adam.” Even though you fit in his clothes hung in the air. “And you certainly don't talk like a kindergartener."
"Um" did he tell her the truth and risk her thinking he was lying? "Th" he stopped himself. "I'm"
"And I know for a fact that was lemonade on your underwear, wasn't it?" He nodded. Maybe this was all working out. "So, how old are you, bud?" His heart pounded in his chest and he was pretty sure his palms were sweating. He made up his mind. He was going to tell her the truth. No matter how she responded, he would tell her the truth.
"Thir... Thirteen." He mumbled, meek as a mouse, before clearing his throat to try and say it a bit more clearly.
"Thir? Oh, you're going into third grade in the fall?" His eyes widened. That was not what he had said at all! "So that makes you seven?" Panicked, he shook his head. "Oh? Six then?" She was going in the wrong direction!
“I’m eight.” He blurted out, knowing that it was ridiculous to say when he was really thirteen. Felix’s mom looked at him appraisingly.
“I see.” She said. “So you’re only two years younger than Nate and Felix?” She held up two fingers.
“Yeah, that’s right. I’m eight.”
“Well, I’m not so sure about that. A big boy eight year old wouldn’t be so willing to wear Pull-ups and drink from a sippy, would he?” It’s gonna blow her mind when she realizes I’m thirteen, Finn thought.
“Uh, well, my mom always says be a good and gracious guest.” She shook her head.
“You’re just a silly little boy, aren’t you? Aren’t you?” Finn squirmed and tried to get away as she got closer, but by the time he had realized what was coming, it was too late. “Silly little boy! Silly little boy!” She chanted in a goofy voice, tickling his sides and belly. Finn tried to push her away, but she was much bigger than him. He laughed and rolled around, but she seemed to be everywhere at once. There was no escape, at least until…
“Oh.” Finn said as he felt a squirt escape.
“Oh? Oh!” Thanks to her maternal instincts, she immediately knew what had happened, but still checked him out of habit, tugging down the front of his shorts to see his Pull-ups. “It’s okay. It’s just a little accident.” She smiled. “I won’t tell if you don’t.” She helped him to his feet. “And I had a feeling those weren’t just lemonade stains on your undies.” He blushed and stammered, but she had already moved on. “That’s why they call them accidents.” She smiled down at him. “But promise me no more using your Pull-ups, okay? Adam didn’t leave any diapers here!”
“I just wanted to go to a movie.” Finn mumbled, feeling as if his face had never been as red as it was.
“How about we watch our own movie?”
“Huh?” There was no way he would let her take him to the movies dressed like this!
“You saw the big TV. I know you did. We can make popcorn and you can watch the movie, color, play with toys, whatever you want to do.”
“Can we watch Slugman?”
“Is that what they went to see?” Finn knew moms well enough to know he had just gotten Felix into some trouble. “Well, that movie's not even appropriate for Felix and Nate, let alone you.”
“I can see PG 13 movies.”
“I'm sure you can, but I've got the perfect movie in mind for you. Adam loved it.”
“And he's a movie critic now?” Finn mumbled as she picked him up and carried him along.
“Oh, here's a photo of Adam from about a year ago!” She stopped in the hall and pointed at a photo of a chubby cheeked toddler with messy brown curls. He wore nothing but a diaper as he beamed up at the camera.
“And he's four now?” Finn said, doing the math.
“Yep, Adam's a big boy just like you.” She kissed his cheek and laughed. “Cutie Finny pudding and pie.”
“Huh?”
“Course, he still needs Pull-ups. You're just in them until your clothes are clean.”
“Which will be soon, right?”
“Oh, not yet. Maybe when your big brother comes back.” Finn sighed.
“What movie is it?” He asked as she finally set him down to have both hands free to work the TV.
“It's called Captain Snuggle and the Pajama Pirates.”
“Oh.”
“Have you seen it, Finny?”
“No.” He could have lied, but what if she asked him about it?
“I bet you'll like it.”
“Can’t we do something else?”
“Here.” She stood up and pulled out a cloth bin of trucks and cars. “You can play while the movie’s on, kay?” Great, he thought. I'd be seeing Slugman if Nate and Felix hadn't spilled lemonade on me. Now I'm wearing Pull-ups and playing with toy cars because this lady won't believe I'm thirteen.
Captain Snuggle proved to be the worst kind of little kid movie. A boy and girl were bored, so they boarded Captain Snuggle's pirate ship, the Cuddle Cruiser. It almost looked more like a crib than a ship. There were almost constant songs and each and every one seemed to be a lullaby. Finn wished he could be anywhere but here, but Felix's mom sat on the couch, making no effort to hide the fact that she was watching him more than the movie. He had no choice but to half-heartedly explore the trucks and cars in the bin.
Things got a little better when he discovered a fire truck that, when you pushed the button, played a siren. He grinned and began to push it around, making a game out of drowning out the music in the movie with the fire truck's siren. He smiled, glad that he didn't have to hear yet another obnoxious song about being a pirate and loving your friends. These guys weren't real pirates!
“I think we've had enough of that.” Felix's mom said, bending over and pulling him back toward her. “Let's watch the movie.”
“I don't really like this movie.”
“You've barely watched it.” She set him next to her. “How about this? You watch it while I get you some more lemonade.” She stood up. “And no moving. That toy needs to rest now.” Finn rolled his eyes, but tried his best to give the movie a chance. “Look, Finny! That boy looks like you!” She pointed to a boy in baby blue fleece footie pajamas with a sailboat applique on the button seat and a sailor cap who looked a few years too old to be talking excitedly about the pacifier compass pinned to his pajamas. “His name's Tugboat Teddy the Cabin Boy.”
“More like Cabin Baby.” Finn muttered under his breath. Thankfully, she didn't push it.
“Avast, ye snugglebugs!” Captain Snuggle said. “We're nearing the land of Lights-Out! Prepare for warm blankies and cotton candy trees!”
“What's that, Captain Snuggle?” The boy asked, pointing to the horizon.
“It looks like a storm.” The girl said. He had not caught either of their names.
“It's a Sleepy Storm!” Captain Snuggle declared.
“A doozy of one!” First Mate Binky added.
“Do we need to go down below?” The boy asked.
“This is ridiculous.” Finn muttered. “They're prolly gonna-”
“We'll sing it to sleep!” Captain Snuggle declared. Everyone on board the crib-ship began to sing yet another lullaby. Where was Felix's mom with the lemonade?
Finn slid lower down on the couch, feeling his eyelids grow heavy. The movie was so boring, it was putting him to sleep. He tried to force his eyes open again as the soothing lullaby continued.
Why was he trying to fight it? He didn't want to watch this movie. At least sleep would make the time go faster. He opened his eyes and was dimly aware of Felix's mom draping a blanket over him.
“Wake up, Finny.” He snapped awake to Nate's voice, briefly disoriented. He sat up and looked around. The blanket was still over him and Nate was grinning.
“You abandoned me.”
“Looks like you had fun.” Nate said with a snort.
“Are we leaving?”
“Not yet.” Nate walked away and Finn took stock. His thumb felt weird and he looked at it, suddenly worried he had been sucking on it in his sleep. He threw the blanket off and almost immediately scrambled to grab it again when he realized he was not wearing pants! All he had on was the t-shirt and Pull-ups!
“Did you have a nice nap?” Felix's mom asked, coming in with the sippy cup. She handed it to him. “Have some lemonade, it'll help you get those last little bits of sleepy out of your eyes.” He put the spout to his lips.
“Where's my pants?”
“Oh, I wanted to make sure I could keep an eye on your Pull-ups.” She whisked the blanket away, ignoring his indignant glare, and checked his Pull-ups. “Still dry! Good for you, Finny, but we'd better get you to the potty, huh?” She took the sippy cup from him, setting it on the coffee table before lifting him up and depositing him on his feet.
Nate and Felix were only in the next room, so they could not miss a flustered Finn being led by the hand to the bathroom, wearing a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse t-shirt and Pull-ups.
“How has he not told her he's thirteen?” Felix whispered. Nate shrugged.
“All that toddler stuff fits him and she seems to like babying him.” He said. “Maybe he did tell her and she doesn't believe him.” He shrugged again. “It'll all get straightened out.”
"Are my clothes dry yet?" Finn asked as Felix's mom put the seat down. "H-hey!" She had his Pull-ups down around his ankles before he even knew what was happening, his bottom landing on the toilet seat.
"Potty time first and then we'll go check, kay? Did you have a nice nap?"
"How long was I asleep?"
"We can finish the movie next time you're here, okie dokie? And I won't forget about your nap next time either."
"I don't..." he sighed, knowing that once she decided something, it was all but set in stone.
"You don't take naps everyday?"
"Right. I'm too old for naps." She looked at him as if she didn't believe him. "Seriously. I'm thirteen. I'm Nate's older brother." He waited for her to apologize, to look surprised, something. What he didn't expect was for her to laugh.
"Oh, Finny. That's so silly! I've changed you, I've given you baths. I think I'd know if you were thirteen, sweetie pie."
"But" he was gobsmacked. "I am!"
"Focus on going potty, Finny. We're going to finish this up, check on your clothes, and then we're going to take Nate and Felix out for dinner."
"But we need to get home."
"It's ok. Nate called your mommy and daddy while you were napping and let them know the plan." Finn did not like the sound of that.
"Can we go get my clothes now? I don't need to pee." Felix's mom studied him as if she could tell how full his bladder was with just a look.
"Let's give it one more minute." She looked at her smartwatch. "Try to go." Finn rolled his eyes, wondering what she would do if he got off the toilet. Would she spank him? Could he make a run for it? Why was he putting up with all this? He was thirteen years old and this lady was- "Time's up!"
To Finn's relief, she let him get off the toilet by himself. Even though he could reach fine, she made him stand on a stool to wash his hands and then they were off to the laundry room. He couldn't believe his luck. He was about to get his own clothes back, Nate and Felix weren't around to see him walking in just Pull-ups and a t-shirt, everything was going so well!
“We've got to go down the stairs to the basement, Finny. Can you be safe and go down them by yourself?”
“Yes.” That wasn't good enough for Felix's mom. She kneeled down between him and the door to the basement.
“One step, one foot, holding tight, that's how we go down the stairs right.”
“Ok.” Finn said. Why was she making such a big deal out of this? As if she could hear his thoughts, she began to sing.
“Step by step, hold the rail, going slow will never fail! No big jumps, safe we stay. We go down the careful way. Step by step, hold on tight. We go down the stairs just right!” She repeated the song until they reached the bottom. “Alrighty doodles, let's see what's in the dryer!”
Finn stood there as she opened the door. What if something had gone wrong? He grinned as he saw his red and white shirt come out of the dryer, looking especially mature since it didn't have Mickey anywhere on it. His shorts came next. Then, his face fell. That underwear in her hands was not his!
“Where's my underwear?”
“Right here, Finny.” She held up the Thomas the Tank Engine briefs. No, those were not his!
“Those aren't mine. Mine are just white.” These had a red waistband and leg holes with Thomas the Tank Engine all over them, going every direction. They weren't his. They couldn't be his. “They're not mine.”
“Whose else would they be? Felix wears boxers and these would never fit him.” She held them up. “They're Finny sized.” Finn's heart pounded. Something weird was going on here. Felix or Nate had swapped them out or something! “They're exactly the same as the ones I put in the wash earlier. I think you were wearing white undies last time you were here.” Finn shook his head. He couldn't wear those.
“These are your options, sweetie.” Felix's mom said. “You can keep your Pull-ups on or we can do your big boy undies. Up to you.” Finn didn't know what to choose. Thomas the Tank Engine briefs were at least as babyish as Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Pull-ups, maybe even more so somehow. He was pretty sure Nate was still in diapers when he watched Thomas the Tank Engine everyday.
“There has to be something else in the dryer.” He pushed his way over and looked into the empty drum.
“You've been begging for your undies all day.” Felix's mom said, opportunistically hooking a finger into the back of his Pull-ups. “You'll feel better about them once you have them on.”
“Those aren't mine!” He whined as she removed his Pull-ups. He pulled his Mickey Mouse Clubhouse t-shirt down over his crotch as the Thomas briefs came into view. She held them open.
“Step right in, step left too.” Finn sighed, but obeyed. “Pull them up, it's what we do.” Up came the babyish briefs. "Snug and cozy, soft and neat. Nice clean undies can't be beat!”
“Oh, my god.” Finn muttered.
“Doesn't that feel better?” She stood up and grabbed his hand. “Alright, let's go upstairs and find your shorts.”
“What? You have my shorts right there.”
“These are clean.” She replied. “You've got those shorts upstairs you've been wearing all day.”
“But”
“Your butt'll be in the shorts upstairs. Let's go up the stairs. Do you want to be extra safe and crawl?”
“I am not crawling up the stairs!” Finn snapped, realizing he had barely improved his situation. He was still pantsless, just instead of Pull-ups, he had the worst underwear imaginable. It made no sense. Not only had his underwear vanished, but it was obvious the Thomas the Tank Engine briefs were for a toddler, yet they were no more snug on him than a new pair of his own underwear.
“Alright, we'll go up the stairs, nice and slow, holding-”
“I know!”
“Someone's getting hangry, hmm?”
“Can't I have my clothes back?”
“I told you.” She said gently. “These are clean and it's too late in the day to put on clean clothes.” The way she emphasized clean as if he was a dumb little kid only infuriated him more.
“I'm thirteen!” He snarled.
“Finny, do you need some quiet down time?”
“No! I need you to listen and quit treating me like a little kid! I know you're trying to be nice, but I am almost fourteen years old. You can't keep treating me like a baby.”
“Those are big feelings.” Felix's mom said.
“Stop!”
“And I'm sorry you feel like I'm treating you like a baby. I promise that, from now on, I'll remember how big you are, okay?” Finn scowled. That did not sound right at all. “Now, we need to go upstairs. Lead the way.”
Finn stomped up the stairs, taking care to hold the railing to make sure Felix's mom had no reason to intervene. It was only when he reached the top that he realized he was pantsless and should have insisted on shorts.
“Where are those boys?” Felix's mom murmured. “Alright, here's what we're gonna do. You need some quiet time.”
“What? What does that mean?”
“Shh, quiet and I'll tell you.” She said. Finn rolled his eyes, but stayed quiet as she grabbed a coloring book and crayons. “For the next ten minutes.” She said ten as if he might have never heard of it before. “You're going to color. No talking, just coloring. I just know that'll help you feel better.” Finn needed his shorts, even if they were the red ones with Mickey on the left leg.
“Can-”
“Shh. No talking.” She set the coloring book on the coffee table. “Come on. Ten quiet minutes of coloring. No talking.” Finn descended to his knees and took the offered crayon. “There we go.” She said soothingly.
Even as Felix and Nate came down from Felix's room, Finn was forced to focus on coloring the car in the coloring book, so the first they saw of him was the boy on his knees, coloring with his underoos-clad bottom on prominent display. They snickered and whispered to each other before Nate spoke up.
“Finny! You're out of Pull-ups!”
“He's having quiet down time.” Felix's mom said, pointing him back to his coloring. “But yes, we got his clothes all nice and clean. I know you two poured lemonade all over him. What a nasty thing to do to a little boy!” Finn smirked. Make them wear Pull-ups, he thought. “Are you ready to go eat?”
“We are.” Felix said, only sounding the slightest bit chastised. Was that all they were going to get?
“Alright, Finny.” Felix's mom held the Mickey Mouse shorts. “Come over here and let's get your pants on.” They're better than Pull-ups, they're better than Pull-ups. Finn thought as his brother and Felix were treated to the sight of him walking across the room and stepping into his shorts. At least she didn't sing, he thought glumly. “I think we're all set. Finny can handle a few blocks, right?”
“Uh, yeah.” Nate replied, clearly a little unsure what the question meant. Felix's mom nodded before kneeling down again. I'm not that short, Finn thought grumpily. His head met Nate's shoulder when he stood on his toes, after all!
“Now, Finny, we're going to walk to the restaurant for dinner. Whose hand do you want to hold?” Was that even a question? There was no way he would hold his brother or Felix's hand. Then again, he'd prefer not to hold anyone's hand, but he had a feeling that was not an option Felix's mom would even think about.
“Uh, yours.” He mumbled.
“Okie dokie!” She presented her hand and he took it. It was better than being carried or having to hold his brother's hand. He was almost surprised she hadn't insisted on either of those.
Nate and Felix walked behind Finn and Felix's mom, chatting quietly. Finn looked over his shoulder, trying to figure out what they were talking about. It looked like they were watching something on Felix's phone. It might not have had anything to do with Finn, but he had a sneaking suspicion it did. Had they taken pictures or even a video of him in Pull-ups? The Thomas briefs?
Where had his underwear gone? He couldn't believe he wanted his white briefs back. He had every plan of abandoning them come back to school shopping, finally getting boxer briefs like Nate wore. And now I'm wearing freaking Thomas underoos, he thought bitterly.
“Look, Finny!” Felix's mom said, scooping him up as if he had no hopes of seeing the playground they were walking past with his feet on the ground. “Maybe we can stop here to play after dinner, huh?”
“Uh, I guess?” Once they ate, he would be demanding that he and Nate go home. I'm the older brother, he reminded himself. I should make an executor decision or whatever it's called.
“And there's the restaurant!” Felix's mom said, keeping Finn in her arms as they arrived.
The hostess smiled as they walked in, her face lighting up as she saw Finn in Felix's mom's arms. He groaned and had to fight the primal urge to hide his face in Felix's mom's shoulder. Another person who seemed to think he was a little boy.
“Do we need a highchair?” The hostess eyed him up. “Oh, probably a booster seat.”
“Yes, thank you.” Felix's mom said.
“And how old is this little guy?” The hostess asked as she led them to their table. No one seemed to know how to answer, so Finn seized his chance.
“I'm thirteen!” His declaration hung in the air.
“Thirteen?” The hostess said in the mock disbelief adults only ever used for little kids. “Is that how old these two are?”
“Naw, we're ten.” Nate said. “Finny'll be five next month.” Finn glared at his brother, but Felix's mom distracted him by setting him in the booster seat and even getting the plastic bib around his neck before fishing wet wipes out of her purse to give his face a wipe, just because she could.
“We'll have to have a birthday party for you.” She said softly. “Well, at least a cupcake.” She smiled.
“I'll be fourteen.” Finn sputtered as she wiped all around his mouth.
“No, you already are four. You'll be five. Big brother just said.”
“Nate's lying. I'm a teenager!” Felix's mom leaned in close to him.
“Do you want to go potty or color?”
“Don't change the subject. I'm a-”
“You didn't go earlier, so let's visit the potty.” She plucked him out of the booster seat and set him down, keeping a hand on the back of his head as he led the way to the bathroom. It was only when they were at the doors that he realized he had the plastic bib around his neck. “No, no, leave your bib on. We don't need more laundry today!” Felix's mom said.
“Fine.”
“We need to go in this door, snugglebug.” She nudged him toward the womens’ room. Finn felt a twinge of panic. He couldn't go in the girls’ room! That was forbidden!
Realizing the bathroom was empty, Finn felt a little better, though his relief faded when Felix's mom took him into a stall.
“I'll do it myself!” Finn declared, tugging down his shorts and underwear before realizing he had sounded every bit like the almost five year old he had been declared. Felix's mom smiled, amused. What am I doing? Finn thought. Pulling my pants down completely? I pee standing!
“And up on the potty goes Finny-boo, we'll flush and wash when you're all through.”
“Did you just come up with that?” She smiled and nodded.
“You really shouldn't-”
“Shh, go peepee.”
“You shouldn't listen to Nate. He's a dumb ten year old. I'm honestly turning fourteen.” Felix's mom sighed, but tried to hide her irritation.
“Finny, you need to stop with this. There's no reason your big brother would lie about something like that and I think I know a four year old when I see one.”
“Then why did you need to ask me how old I am?”
“Enough silly questions. Finish peeing and we'll go eat.” Muttering under his breath, Finn peed, glaring down at Thomas's smiling face around his ankles. He kicked his foot, feeling a little better as his shorts and underpants fell off onto the bathroom floor.
"What did you do that for?" Felix's mom asked, picking them up. Finn did not answer. "Are you done?" He nodded.
As Felix's mom had him step into the Thomas briefs, he heard the door open. He froze, but she smiled.
"It's a public bathroom, Finnyroo. Let's do your shorts." He knew it would go quicker if he got to put them on himself, but she held them tightly and all he could do was step in. Then it was out to wash his hands, coming face to face with a girl a couple years younger than Felix and Nate.
"What's he doing in here? Boys aren't allowed."
"We make an exception for little boys who still need help." Felix's mom explained.
"You were changing his diaper?"
"No, no. Finny's too big for that. He's four." It annoyed Finn how readily the girl accepted that he was about half her age when they were nearabouts the same size, but she shrugged it off as he was shepherded to the sink for Felix's mom to help him wash his hands, the mirror reminding him of his bib. Isn't this over yet?
Felix and Nate were too busy chatting with each other to pay Finn much mind, though he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Felix's mom gave him nonstop attention, leaning in close to have him decide what he wanted from the kids menu. It made him feel a little better that Nate and Felix also had to order from it, though they didn't have to color in the smiling food items with the crayons the server brought. They also got to order whatever they wanted to drink while Finn got chocolate milk.
"It'll give you strong bones." Felix's mom said as he eyed the other two's root beer floats covetously.
"Ice cream has calcium too." He mumbled.
"But the sugar will rot their teeth." She tickled his side. "Right out of their heads!"
Finn ate his grilled cheese and fruit as quickly as he could, but it didn't help that Nate and Felix were too busy making each other laugh with their fries, so he was stuck there in the booster seat.
"Don't we have to get home, Nathan?" Finn asked. Nate snorted, seeing right through Finn.
"Nope." He went back to sticking fries up his nose to Felix's delight.
"Honestly." Finn muttered. "How can anyone think I'm younger than those dweebs?" He shifted in the booster seat, still unsure if his underwear was any better than the Pull-ups.
"We're all paid." Felix's mom said. "Felix, get your hand out of your pants. Finny, up you come." She lifted him out of the booster seat and down to the floor. "I think I owe you a trip to the playground."
"No, Nate and I need to get home." Finn said, trying to sound as mature as possible. "Our parents might get worried."
"Finny!" Nate said. "I told you before, we're spending the night."
"What?"
"I'm sure I mentioned it too." Felix's mom said. “In all the excitement, he just forgot.”
"No! No no no." Finn said. "Nate, we have to go home!" His mind raced with terrified thoughts about what a night over at Felix's might mean for him. What would Felix's mom do to him? "Nate!"
Nate turned away from Finn, smirking at Felix. Everything was going perfectly. Kneeling down, Felix's mom pulled him to her, giving him a big hug.
"I know it's scary, the idea of sleeping in a new place, but I promise you'll have fun."
"But" his voice was muffled by her shoulder.
"I'll take good care of you."
That's what I'm afraid of, Finn thought as they left the restaurant and he imagined himself dressed just like Tugboat Teddy the Cabin Baby. That had to be her plan. She'd even said he looked like him!
"We don't want to go right to bed, do we?" It took Finn a moment to realize she was talking to him.
"No." He said. His bedtime at home wasn't for hours yet.
"Well, here's the playground, how about you run around and burn off some of those big feelings?"
"Uh"
"But let's stay in this fenced in area. That big playground over there looks scary." Finn looked at the brightly colored plastic playground in front of him versus the bigger one made of wood and metal. He frowned. Just my luck, he thought. I have to be on the baby playground. "Unless you're feeling sleepy. It's been a long day." She smirked as Finn ran toward the playground. That never failed to work.
Finn had to think -- and fast. There had to be some way to get out of an overnight stay. I could fake a stomach ache ? That could easily backfire. She thinks I'm a baby, maybe I could sob for mommy and daddy? No, that would definitely come back to bite him.
He was stuck. He couldn't climb over the fence without being noticed and Felix's mom was sitting right in front of the only gate. He sighed and slid down the slide.
There was no way to avoid getting bored before long. The side of the playground had rolling tic-tac-toe, but there was no way he was going to ask Felix's mom to come play with him. Defeated, he shuffled over to Felix's mom.
"All played out?" He nodded. "Wanna go down the big slide once before we go?" She pointed to the tall metal slide over at what Finn remembered calling the big kid playground when he had been little.
"Sure."
"Show me how fast you can run!" She said. Finn rolled his eyes, but burst into a run, only realizing halfway there that this would only mean he would be going back to Felix's house sooner. He didn't know what waited for him there, but the very thought of it made him shudder. "Climb up!" Felix's mom called. Finn began to do just that, knowing that this was just delaying the inevitable. "And down you come!" He slid down right into her arms. “I've got the cutest jammies for you at home.”
“Another thing of Adam's?” He muttered in disbelief. That kid must've left all his clothes at her house.
“Nope, these were bought extra special just for you, Finny.”
Finn tried to nonchalantly get an answer from her about just what pajamas waited for him, but Felix's mom saw it as him being excited, refusing to 'spoil the surprise'.
Nate and Felix were holed up in Felix's bedroom, so Finn had no way to delay being herded to the guest room. Felix's mom went over to the closet.
"Can you get undressed for me, Finny?" She said, busying herself with something in there. Finn stripped, wincing as he remembered he had Thomas and not his actual underwear. He tried his best to cover his childish briefs as he inched over to the door Felix's mom had left wide open. Was he going to close it? Make a run for it? Why hadn't he noticed the door was open and unguarded before he got down to his underwear? "Undies too!" Felix's mom said, turning around with something distressingly baby blue in her arms. Finn, however, was more focused on the blue and white Pull-ups she held up.
"No!" He exclaimed.
"Sweetie, don't start. They're just in case."
"I don't need them!"
"I know." She said. "But you already had an oopsie or two today, so I'm not taking any chances." She grabbed his hand and pulled him back into the room, away from the still open door. "Undies off." Finn groaned, but complied. "I know, you like your big boy undies, but these are what big boys wear to bed."
"Do Nate and Felix wear them?" He asked with a dismissive snort. She only smiled and waited for him to step into the Pull-ups she held out. He groaned again as he noticed just how puffy the Pull-ups were, sticking out from his butt.
"Arms up!" Felix's mom announced, gathering the pajama shirt in her hands. Finn raised his arms, wishing not for the first time that he had the hairy armpits Felix did. He knew, however, that they remained as hairless and disconcertingly soft as they always had been.
Finn did not get a good look at the pajamas until he was wearing them. He was glad they were not the soft footie pajamas Tugboat Teddy the Cabin Baby wore, but they had to have been inspired by them; same color and there was a pacifier compass applique on the left side of his chest. He covered it with his hand as Felix's mom looked him over.
"Such a long face!" Felix's mom remarked. "Someone must be sleepy." She kissed the top of his head. "And such long hair." She mused. "Well, at least you don't need a second bath, huh?" She chuckled and nudged him toward the door.
After Finn sat on the toilet one last time before bed, he had to brush his teeth under Felix's mom's close supervision.
"All minty fresh?" She asked. He nodded. "Give me a big smile!" He forced a smile. "Attaboy! No rotting teeth for Finny!"
"Yay..." he said half-heartedly.
"Aww, sleepy little boy. Let's get you to bed." He figured that that would at least give him some breathing room, so he walked docilely along until they went right past the bedroom he figured he would be sleeping in.
"Huh?"
"You need to say good night to big brother, don't you?" Finn felt a twinge of panic. Even if Nate had no chance of recognizing that his pajamas were from a baby movie, there was no way he was going to let Nate see him like this or realize he was being put to bed so early.
"We don't need to bother him."
"That's just silly, Finny. He loves you!" She picked him up and carried him to Felix's closed door. "Knock, knock!" She said, opening the door. "Finny wants to say good night!"
Felix and Nate sat on Felix's bed, playing a video game. The window behind them showed that the sun had not even touched the horizon yet. They looked up as one at Felix's mom and then their eyes slid in unison over to Finn as he was put down on the floor.
"Can you two watch him for just a second?" Felix's mom asked, leaving the room before they had a chance to answer. As soon as she was out of sight, they pounced.
"Look how cute you are!" Felix said, grinning. "Mom's got you totally babied, huh?" Finn was about to counter, but he realized there was still a way out of this.
"Nate, you gotta tell her that we need to go home. Make up an emergency or something."
"Why?"
"Because! I can't" he struggled to find the right words. "I can't do this!"
"She's just gonna put you to bed now." Felix said with a shrug. "It's really not as bad as being awake with her."
"You guys told her I'm four!"
"What's important is she believed it." Nate said. "And you've been with her all day."
"I tried to tell her."
"And?" Felix asked as if leading Finn on.
"She didn't believe me."
"Exactly." Nate said. "We're responsible big boys and you're a fibbing little Finny who keeps having accidents."
"This isn't fair!"
"We'll go home in the morning." Nate said.
"Yeah, after she feeds me baby food or something." Finn muttered.
"I mean, you are in a diaper." Nate said, lunging and tugging down Finn's shorts. They were snug enough that they only came down enough to expose Mickey waving from the front of his pull-ups.
"They have a fly though, so Finny feels like he's a big boy." Felix said with a laugh. Finn glared at them, tugging on his shorts.
"This is ridiculous! You two need to tell her the truth!"
"Or what? You'll tattle?"
"Face it, dude." Nate said. "She thinks you're four, you've let her treat you like you're four. Just ride it out."
"And you'll turn five soon." Felix said with a snort. He flopped back onto his bed.
"Seriously." Finn said.
"It's not that bad." Nate said. "We just spend the night and then go home in the morning. If she gets too out of hand, I'll figure something out, kay?"
"She already has!" Finn protested. "I mean, look at me!" Nate snickered as he did just that.
"You're adorable." He said, choosing not to mention that the back of Finn's shirt was tucked into his pull-ups.
"And I'm back!" Felix's mom said. "What have you three been up to?" As if a switch flipped, Nate looked like the picture of maturity.
"Oh, I was just making sure Finny's wearing Pull-ups. He's gotten into the habit of telling Mom and Dad he doesn't wet the bed, despite the evidence." He gave Felix's mom a knowing look before gazing down at Finn. "Isn't that right, fibby Finny?" Finn only grunted.
"We'd better get you to bed, kiddo." Felix's mom said, picking him up. "Nini, big brother and Felix!" She patted his puffy bottom. "I guess Felix is kinda like a big brother too, isn't he?"
"No." Finn said, sighing in defeat.
"And here's your berth for the night, sailor Finny!" Felix's mom said, returning to the guest room. "We've just got one more thing before it's time to set sail on the Sleepy Seas!" Had she memorized the movie?
"What is that?" Finn asked as she pulled a long lanyard, covered in teddy bear decals, out of her pocket. At one end was an orange plastic clip. At the other, the end just emerging from her pocket, was a well-loved pacifier. "No, no, mmph!" Finn only barely caught a glimpse of a faded 'I heart mama' on the pacifier before the bulb opposite it pushed its way through his protests and into his mouth. He gave it a few startled sucks as Felix's mom clipped the other end to his shirt.
"I know you're too big to need one during the day, but Nate told me you still use your binky at bedtime."
"No, I don't." Over her shoulder, he could see himself in the mirror. From the pajamas to the obvious Pull-ups to the pacifier -- faded and worn enough to conceivably be the binky of a five year old who hadn't quite kicked the habit -- in his mouth, the boy in the mirror was undeniably a toddler. It was just supposed to be a trip to the movies and now, hours later, he was being put to bed by a woman who refused to believe he was a teenager! "I don't need it!" He spat the pacifier out only to have her immediately return it to his mouth.
"Says the little boy who was sucking his thumb at naptime." She returned the pacifier to his mouth three more times before shaking her head. "This isn't funny, Finny. Big brother Nate was nice enough to remember it and spitting it out isn't going to keep you from going to bed." She pulled back the covers. "Crawl in." Finn did so, chewing a bit on the bulb of the pacifier. Maybe he could break it? It felt too durable for that, so he resigned himself to just waiting to spit it out until she was gone.
Felix's mom had other plans. Once she got him tucked in, his back turned to her, she sat down in a chair right by the bed and began to rub his back gently. He realized she planned to stay with him until he fell asleep! He slowly pushed the pacifier out of his mouth with his tongue, but it only sat on the pillow for a moment before she returned it to his mouth.
"I know it's hard to sleep in an unfamiliar place, snugglebug." She whispered soothingly. "Just close your eyes, suck on your binky, and relax." She rubbed his back, humming and then starting to sing a soft lullaby. "Good night, snugglebug, time for bed. Now rest your sleepy little head. The stars are twinkling up above." It's still daytime outside, Finn thought irritably. "And sending down their bedtime love." She returned to humming and Finn could feel sleep starting to near him. No, he couldn't fall asleep! That would only prove her point. "Tucked you in, all warm and tight. Kisses, cuddles, soft moonlight." The weight of the day's humiliation was beginning to take its toll. "Close your eyes and dream away, we'll snuggle more another day." Finn began to suck automatically on the pacifier, feeling her hand rubbing rhythmically up and down on his back. "Goodnight, snugglebug, time for bed." She began again. Finn wasn't sure when or if she finished the second round of the lullaby. He was asleep.
Finny is so cute! It's funny that he tried to tell her the truth. Kids that age like about all sorts of stuff.
ReplyDeleteIf only he had been more honest the first time
DeleteAww, very cute! I particularly liked how insistent Felix's Mom was about the pacifier at the end haha. I wonder how the Thomas undies ended up in there?
ReplyDeleteIt is a mystery!
DeleteAnd I think Felix's Mom was getting a little fed up with a fussy Finny
This is entirely a hell of his own making for the most part. I'm about 87% sure that if he was clear about how old he was from the very beginning (Hell even back in the first part) she would have believed him and none of this might have happened.
ReplyDeleteBut at the same time I have this strange feeling that she knows exactly what how old he is and is doing this on purpose.